At Peace Parents Podcast Ep. 143 - Toileting and Pathological Demand Avoidance - Part 2
Feb 3, 2026
Practical strategies for wiping, accidents, constipation and toileting outside the toilet are discussed. The conversation uses a PDA and nervous-system lens to reduce shame and pressure. There are concrete caregiving tips, cleanup hacks, and accommodation ideas like pull-ups and outdoor peeing. Emphasis is on lowering demands, reading nervous-system signals, and gentle decision-making for care.
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Learning Needs A Window Of Safety
- PDA learning happens when the child's nervous system has a 'window of tolerance' and feels safe.
- Plant seeds indirectly (strew items, use declarative language) so they can engage with autonomy when ready.
Compliance Isn't The Same As Learning
- Compliance doesn't equal long-term learning for PDA children and can shift problems elsewhere.
- Conditioning skills under pressure may reduce nervous-system safety and cause new symptoms.
Strew And Use Declarative Language
- Strew helpful items (like Metamucil or period underwear) where your child can see them without pressure.
- Use single declarative sentences in calm moments to plant ideas, then wait for the child to respond.
