Bringing out the good in kids —and parents— with Becky Kennedy (Re-release)
Jan 2, 2024
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In this engaging conversation, Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist and founder of Good Inside, shares her insights on modern parenting challenges. She discusses the importance of setting boundaries and fostering emotional resilience in children, emphasizing that happiness isn't the ultimate goal. Dr. Becky highlights the value of meaningful family interactions and encourages parental validation. She also champions involving kids in family decisions to instill a sense of ownership and respect their unique definitions of success.
The two main aspects of a parent's job are setting boundaries and providing validation to ensure a child's safety and emotional well-being.
Parents should avoid imposing their definition of success on their children and instead support their unique aspirations, fostering connection through open communication and active listening.
Deep dives
Understanding the role of a parent
The guest, Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist, discusses the two main aspects of a parent's job: setting boundaries and providing validation. Boundaries involve making decisions and setting limits to ensure a child's safety without resorting to excessive control. Validation entails acknowledging a child's emotional experiences, even if they differ from the parent's own. Kennedy emphasizes the importance of understanding one's role as a parent and the impact it can have on a child's growth and development.
Reframing success and focusing on connection
The conversation delves into society's definition of success and the repercussions it can have on children. Kennedy challenges the idea of imposing one's definition of success on a child, advocating instead for understanding each child's unique aspirations and supporting them accordingly. The discussion also highlights the significance of fostering connection with children through open communication, active listening, and regularly asking questions to gain insight into their thoughts and experiences.
Building emotional regulation skills
The importance of teaching children emotional regulation skills is explored. Kennedy suggests helping children develop skills to manage intense emotions rather than simply correcting their behavioral responses. She emphasizes the value of involving children in problem-solving and goal-setting, promoting a sense of ownership and self-reflection. Kennedy also recommends creating simulated scenarios, such as 'emotional vaccination,' to provide opportunities for children to practice and develop strategies to cope with challenging emotions.
Using family meetings as a tool for cooperation
The concept of family meetings is introduced as an effective way to address rule violations and foster cooperation. Kennedy suggests a collaborative approach, involving children in the decision-making process and giving them a chance to express their thoughts and perspectives. By actively listening and seeking their ideas, parents can create an atmosphere of mutual respect, empathy, and understanding. This encourages children to take responsibility for their actions and promotes a sense of belonging and connection within the family unit.
As a clinical psychologist, Becky Kennedy works with parents to raise good kids. She’s best known as Dr. Becky on Instagram, and has been called the "Millennial parenting whisperer" for good reason. Becky and Adam challenge the widespread belief that it’s a parent’s job to make their children happy, talk candidly about the surprisingly difficult task of setting and maintaining boundaries, and dig into the science and practice of helping kids (and adults) deal with the ups and downs of life. Transcripts for ReThinking are available at go.ted.com/RWAGscripts