How to Get Out of a Toxic Shame Spiral

Jan 22, 2024

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We all experience shame from time to time, but when it becomes toxic, we can end up in a shame spiral from which it's difficult to escape. When we’re called out on something about which we feel shameful, it can make us defensive. And so often, no-one can punish us as harshly as we punish ourselves.

In this quick dip episode, Rachel shares her strategy to break free from shame spirals and cultivate a healthier mindset; by sharing our shame, taking some perspective, and seeking support from others. She unpacks her SHAME model that was inspired by a recent spiral, which is a simple five-step framework for working through the sensations of shame and finding a way to be kinder to ourselves.

Shame doesn’t make us better people – it only makes us harder on ourselves and leads to us being defensive. So this episode offers a chance to break free of that spiral, remember that we’re human, and remind ourselves we’re doing our best.

Listen to this episode to

Discover how shame can impact our internal mindset and contribute to burnout
Learn about the complex nature of shame and how it shows up
Explore strategies and techniques to break free from shame spirals and cultivate a healthier mindset

Episode highlights

[00:02:09] What's on your pop bottle label?
[00:03:14] When our actions clash with our values
[00:07:30] What our ingrained stories tell us
[00:13:20] Share your shame
[00:14:35] Hang outwith useless friends
[00:15:37] Awe
[00:16:42] Multiple identities
[00:19:17] Empathy and understanding

Resources

THRIVE Weekly Planner
Watch the video version on YouTube
How Do You Say No When Someone Might Die? – Episode 193
Why Can’t I Say No? – Episode 163
How Perfectionism and Shame Lead to Stress and Burnout – 152 with Sandy Miles
How to Avoid Becoming the Second Victim – Episode 92 with Dr Caraline Wright & Dr Lizzie Sweeting
Tara Brach leads a Guided Meditation: The Practice of RAIN
Download the episode’s workbook and CPD form. You can use them for reflection and to submit for your appraisal.

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