TED Talks Daily The problem with being "too nice" at work | Tessa West
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May 28, 2024 
Tessa West, a social psychologist who studies the science of uncomfortable interactions, explores the pitfalls of being 'too nice' at work. She reveals how excessive politeness often masks anxiety and hinders honest communication. Tessa shares actionable strategies for giving clear, constructive feedback that promotes growth and accountability. She dives into the impacts of anxious niceness, especially on marginalized groups, and emphasizes the importance of balancing kindness with honesty in professional settings.
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Anxious Niceness
- In uncomfortable social situations, people often mask anxiety with excessive niceness and generic pleasantries.
- This behavior is driven by a lack of social scripts for handling awkwardness.
Negotiation Compliments
- In a negotiation study, winners often over-complimented losers, praising their losing strategies.
- This demonstrates how anxious niceness manifests in competitive settings.
Impact on Marginalized Groups
- Anxious niceness often targets marginalized groups, stemming from a fear of appearing prejudiced.
- Receivers of this niceness become attuned to the anxiety behind it, potentially absorbing the stress.