In this engaging conversation, Melissa Febos, an award-winning author known for her works on love and identity, opens up about her year of celibacy following a tough breakup. She explores the idea of redefining romantic love, shifting from dependency to autonomy, and the importance of personal fulfillment in relationships. The discussion highlights women’s societal pressures, the value of boundaries, and self-acceptance, urging listeners to find deeper connections beyond cultural constraints. Febos' insights challenge conventional norms of love and relationships.
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Mastering and Understanding Attraction
Melissa Febos shares how she mastered attracting others and realizing her obsession with love was a quest for brain chemical highs.
She dissected her relationship patterns deeply to understand her addictive tendencies and recalibrate her love life.
insights INSIGHT
Love Obsession Narrows Life
Melissa realized obsessing over love felt like peering through a keyhole at one room instead of embracing the universe.
Worship of love and relationships often narrows life instead of expanding one's sense of the sublime.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Space Enhances Relationship Affection
Melissa and her partner found happiness sleeping apart sometimes, defying traditional relationship myths.
They discovered that autonomy and space enhance affection and sustainability in long-term partnerships.
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Phil Stutz's "True and False Magic" delves into his spiritual philosophy and understanding of the universe. The book expands on his previous work, offering a deeper exploration of higher forces and their influence on human experience. It integrates his unique perspective on spirituality with practical tools for personal growth. The book is presented in a workbook-like format, encouraging active engagement from the reader. It's a blend of spiritual insights and practical self-help techniques.
The Season
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Helen Garner
Helen Garner's "The Season" offers a poignant exploration of family, aging, and masculinity through the lens of her grandson's amateur football league. Garner's signature unflinching style reveals intimate details of her own aging process and her evolving relationship with her grandson. The book transcends the sporting context, delving into broader themes of generational differences and the complexities of human connection. Garner's keen observations and witty prose create a compelling narrative that resonates with readers of all ages. The book's emotional depth and insightful reflections on life's transitions make it a memorable and thought-provoking read.
The creation of patriarchy
Gerda Lerner
Girlhood
Melissa Febos
In 'Girlhood', Melissa Febos examines the narratives women are told about what it means to be female and how to free oneself from them. The book is a philosophical treatise and an anthem for women, exploring the transitions from girlhood toward a chosen self. It delves into themes of identity, culture, and personal transformation, blending personal experiences with broader societal analysis.
In her new memoir, The Dry Season, Melissa Febos (award-winning author of Girlhood) examines her (and our culture’s) relationship to love, to falling in love with someone, to being in love with someone. Today, we talk about why she decided to spend a year celibate after a particularly rough breakup, and what more she wanted from a relationship, from herself, and for her life. We talk about being conditioned to be codependent, the lovely things that have happened in our own long-term relationships when we’ve gone off script, what it actually means to be a people pleaser—and more.
For links to Melissa Febos’s books and the show notes, head over to my Substack.
Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen 
