BJ Miller, a palliative care physician and author, shares his transformative journey from patient to healer, shaped by a life-altering accident during college. He discusses the importance of embracing mortality, advocating for a 'good death' through self-forgiveness and connection. Miller highlights how cultural attitudes toward death can impact our lives and the value of practical preparations, like advance directives. With humor and wisdom, he encourages a more accepting relationship with loss, ultimately fostering gratitude and deeper connections in life.
BJ Miller emphasizes that accepting and discussing death openly can significantly improve our relationship with mortality and enrich our lives.
He highlights the importance of addressing feelings of regret as a natural human experience, promoting emotional resolution and deeper connections with others.
Deep dives
The Impact of Personal Experiences on Career Choice
A significant turning point in BJ Miller's life occurred due to a tragic accident during his college years, leading him to become a doctor specializing in hospice and palliative care. This life-altering experience made him acutely aware of the challenges faced by patients, fostering a desire to use those insights in a medical context. Instead of initially pursuing medicine, his journey eventually redefined his understanding of self and healing as he faced the realities of losing limbs. He recognized the advantage of empathizing with patients who have also faced severe hardships, significantly shaping his approach to medicine.
Understanding Death and Connection
Miller emphasizes the importance of recognizing and accepting the inevitability of death, both as a fundamental aspect of life and a critical area of focus in his work. He argues that many people fear death due to societal taboos, which leads to an 'immature relationship' with the concept of mortality. By fostering a culture that openly discusses death and integrates it into the conversation surrounding life, individuals can better navigate their emotional responses and experiences. This perspective acknowledges the profound need for connection and support among individuals facing such existential realities.
The Role of Regret and Forgiveness in End-of-Life Care
A recurring theme in Miller's conversations with patients concerns the feelings of regret that often surface as they confront their mortality. He highlights that embracing these feelings without shame or stigma is essential for emotional resolution, as regret is a natural aspect of being human. Through this acceptance, patients are encouraged to address unfinished business, often finding solace in simple actions like apologies or expressions of love. This process not only aids the dying individual but also enriches their relationships, fostering a sense of peace and closure.
Everyday Practices for Embracing Mortality
Miller advocates for practical steps individuals can take daily to prepare for death and cultivate a healthy relationship with the concept of mortality. He suggests that people should actively engage with the reality of death through actions such as creating advance directives or practicing gratitude while appreciating life as it is experienced. Recognizing the everyday occurrences of loss, such as seasonal changes or the natural lifecycle, can help demystify death and reduce its fear. Ultimately, these practices contribute to personal growth and foster a deeper appreciation for life and its fleeting nature.
In this episode from our archives, palliative care physician BJ Miller sits down with Gwyneth live from In goop Health to talk about his own incredible personal story and wise insights about what it means to live a good life and die a good death. (P.S. Our next In goop Health is back, on November 16, 2024 in Los Angeles. To hear more conversations like this one, get your tickets here.)