Therapist Combats Mormon Sexual Shame - Erika Nordfelt | Ep. 1984

11 snips

Jan 17, 2025

In this conversation, Erika Nordfelt, a mental health professional from Rexburg, Idaho, shares her enlightening journey from a strict Mormon upbringing to healing and self-discovery. She dives into the intricacies of sexual shame within the Mormon community and the importance of open dialogue about sexuality. Erika reflects on her experiences navigating faith, identity, and relationships, while advocating for a more compassionate approach to mental health. Her insights shed light on the often stigmatized topics of pornography, shame, and the challenges faced by those transitioning out of rigid belief systems.

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ANECDOTE

Intention: Decreasing Shame

Erika's intention is to reduce shame's impact, seeing its destructive nature.
She aims to foster feelings of worth and value through open conversations.

ANECDOTE

Family and Upbringing

Erika's parents, devout Mormons, met in Utah and settled in Durango, Colorado.
Raised with five sisters on a farm, their Mormon practice wasn't overly rigid.

INSIGHT

Mormonism's Ideal Setting

John suggests Mormonism is best experienced outside Utah/Idaho, where it's not ubiquitous.
This allows it to enhance life rather than define it entirely.

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In this episode of Mormon Stories, Erika Nordfelt shares her powerful journey from a devout Mormon upbringing to finding healing and self-discovery. Erika recounts her experiences growing up in a close-knit Mormon family, navigating high school in Colorado, and attending BYU-Idaho, where she faced struggles with religious expectations and marital dynamics shaped by the Church.She candidly discusses topics like sexual shame, pornography in marriage, and the role of Twelve-Step programs, highlighting the challenges of reconciling faith, identity, and personal growth. Erika opens up about her turning points, leaving the Church with her husband, and her work as a therapist, witnessing firsthand the impact of shame within Mormon culture.

Show Notes

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00:00:00 Intro

00:03:18 Erika’s intention for coming onto Mormon Stories and sharing her story

00:06:12 Erika’s upbringing and her parents

00:14:32 The best of Mormonism is being raised outside of Utah or Idaho, Mormonism should be the salt not the whole meal

00:16:30 High School years and feeling undesirable in the dating aspect

00:23:18 Her relationship with her body in dance and modesty

00:35:00 Sexual neglect in her upbringing and in the Mormon church

00:37:26 Attending BYU-Idaho - She did not serve a mission because she met her husband

00:49:20 Her awareness to physical touch and how she was raised

00:54:20 How the Mormon church shaped their marital relationship as far as gender roles, etc.

01:06:07 Learning that her husband struggled with masturbation and porn and how she handled it

01:20:00 She felt so much despair when her husband confessed to viewing pornography

01:29:23 The Twelve Step Program and what part it played in her marriage

01:39:20 How long did she go to these Twelve Step meetings and was it working?

01:46:10 Moving to Rexburg and getting new jobs on campus

01:56:00 Seeing clients for the first time at the BYU-Idaho Counseling Center

02:03:55 She had a front row seat to Mormon suffering while working as a counselor

02:14:35 Checking in with their marriage during this time in their life

02:26:55 The beginning of the end lasted for five years, holes being poked in the Gospel

02:33:10 She began exploring troublesome church topics from a safe place in the church

02:43:40 Has leaving the church affected her therapy practice at all?

02:50:40 A better way to approach porn and masturbation

03:19:13 Erika Nordfelt wrote a book called “Don’t Walk Alone”

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