Chanel Contos is an advocate working with Teach Us Consent, dedicated to tackling issues of consent and behavior. In this enlightening discussion, she shares insights on vulnerability and the importance of open conversations about violence and consent. The conversation covers the complexities of masculinity, the societal pressures that define aggressive behavior, and the critical nature of empathy in relationships. They also explore ways to break the cycle of shame in sports, encouraging men to reflect on their past actions and foster a positive dialogue.
The discussion highlights how societal norms often equate violence with status, creating complex feelings of excitement and fear in men.
The conversation emphasizes the critical need for active communication and understanding of consent in fostering safe and healthy relationships.
Participants stress the importance of vulnerability in discussing past behaviors and experiences, advocating for reflection and personal growth in masculine dynamics.
Deep dives
Understanding Violence and Its Impact
The discussion delves into the complexities of violence and how it was perceived in childhood and adolescence. Participants reflect on their experiences with violence, noting how witnessing or partaking in fights was often celebrated among peers, creating a culture where violence equated to status. They acknowledge a sheltered upbringing that largely lacked direct exposure to severe violence, leading to conflicting feelings of excitement and fear when experiencing violence among peers. This conversation highlights the broader societal acceptance of violence, especially in contexts like sports, where such behaviors were often trivialized or celebrated.
The Role of Consent in Relationships
Consent is framed as a critical component of healthy relationships, emphasizing the need for active communication and presence. It is noted that individuals must understand the unique preferences of their partners rather than make assumptions based on past experiences. The contrast between mutual consent and coercive behavior creates a significant discussion point, illustrating how societal pressures can lead to unsafe dynamics. The conversation encourages a deeper exploration of personal accountability in respecting boundaries and ensuring all parties feel safe and validated.
Navigating Masculinity and Societal Expectations
The episode discusses the pressures men face to conform to traditional masculine ideals, particularly in situations requiring bravery or physical defense. Personal anecdotes reveal feelings of inadequacy when faced with expectations to protect or defend, which can often lead to feelings of emasculation. The hosts acknowledge how these pressures can manifest behavior that might unintentionally reinforce negative stereotypes about masculinity. Ultimately, they advocate for a shift in mindset that values wisdom and emotional strength over physical showdowns.
Reflecting on Past Behavior and Its Consequences
Participants openly evaluate their past actions related to how women might have felt unsafe due to their behavior, emphasizing the importance of reflection and growth. They share experiences of engaging in behavior that seemed harmless at the time, such as joking around with friends, but which could have contributed to a hostile environment for women. The dialogue illustrates a collective realization that misguided attempts to assert masculinity often disregard the safety and feelings of others. Acknowledging past mistakes becomes a pivotal step towards fostering a more respectful and empathetic approach in future interactions.
The Importance of Vulnerability and Open Dialogue
The participants stress the significance of vulnerability in discussing sensitive topics like violence and consent among men. They recognize that facilitating these discussions may initially be uncomfortable but ultimately fosters deeper connections and understanding. The creation of digital cards merges concepts of vulnerability with structured discussions on consent, providing a practical tool for engaging these topics in a non-judgmental space. By encouraging peers to participate in such conversations, the hope is to inspire a culture of transparency and accountability in relationships and community dynamics.
This is not compulsory listening, but then again, it kind of is.
We’re back to have another imperfect conversation about men, violence and consent, because we're still imperfect and we believe reflecting on behaviour is key to changing it.
We don't have all the answers, but in collaboration with Teach Us Consent and future OAM Chanel Contos, we’ve come up with some new Vulnerabilitea House questions to help anyone get vulnerable and think deeply about these issues.
In all honesty, we’re pretty nervous about answering them, but reflecting and getting vulnerable with ourselves and others is how we do better and become the people we want to be.
Vulnerability is the willingness to be seen as our authentic selves, even when we don’t know how others will respond. To be vulnerable is to take an emotional risk and while it does promote connection, it can also cause distress and should never be forced. So take care of yourself and others while answering these questions. Always vulnerable responsibly.
If you're a man concerned about your behaviour please contact No To Violence: https://bit.ly/3UlyiA5
If you feel like you are in immediate danger please call 000. If you need someone to talk to we recommend the nation24-hour national sexual assault, family and domestic violence counselling line 1800 RESPECT on 1800 732 732.
If you need support for your own mental health of the back of this episode please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.