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TED Talks Daily

How to tame your advice monster | Michael Bungay Stanier

Feb 25, 2025
Michael Bungay Stanier, a writer and teacher, discusses the pervasive issue of the 'advice monster' in our conversations. He explains how it prompts us to give premature suggestions, often missing the real problem. Instead of jumping to advice, he advocates for active listening and curiosity, revealing how this approach can empower others. He also delves into the three damaging personas of the advice monster: 'Tell it', 'Save it', and 'Control it', encouraging deeper inquiry through thoughtful questions.
15:08

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Quick takeaways

  • Recognizing and managing the advice monster is vital to improving listening skills and fostering meaningful conversations.
  • Asking thoughtful questions instead of providing unsolicited advice can empower others to discover their own solutions and enhance personal growth.

Deep dives

The Impact of the Inner Advice Monster

Everyone has an inner voice referred to as the advice monster that encourages unsolicited advice, often leading to ineffective communication. This tendency to interrupt and offer solutions can hinder genuine connection and prevent deeper understanding of the issue at hand. Research even suggests that medical professionals tend to interrupt patients shortly after they begin discussing their concerns, highlighting the prevalence of this behavior in various contexts. Recognizing the advice monster's presence is crucial for improving listening skills and fostering more meaningful conversations.

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