Kathryn Part 3 of 5: When Your Teen Breaks The Rules

Children breaking rules is nothing new in the world of parenting.  Teens breaking rules is almost a given.  In this third part of the five part series, Kathryn is eager to learn how to set limits with her 17 year old daughter Bridgette. Trying to set limits with a child who seems like they have no limits may feel like an impossible task. But there are ways to do it. Even though the terminology of a dialectic perspective is not used in this episode, it is very much employed in the conversation. Leslie takes a dialectic approach with Kathryn in two ways during this episode. First, she begins by balancing the parent’s limits and the teen’s limits.  Leslie also differentiates between limits and boundaries.  Second, Leslie counterbalances the fear that parents often have when dealing with the problematic behaviors of their children.  Children often feel “my parents don't understand me”, or “my parents only focus on what I'm doing wrong and they don't see what I'm doing well”. This schism can be the root of conflict and potentially damaging to your child's mental health. As parents, holding the dialectic perspective means embracing both your child's skills and strengths as well as their problematic behaviors. 

As in Kathryn’s first two sessions, this episode has a lot of mature themes and contains adult language that may not be suitable for all audiences. 

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/. You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences on Is My Child A Monster? Parenting Community.

Time stamps: (rough estimates based on rough cut)

6:04 Assessing skills of your child before setting limits

10:13 Having a balanced view of your child: their strengths and weaknesses

14:18 Generational shame and how it impacts you and your child

15:58 Defining limits vs boundaries and personal limits vs child’s limits

28:08 How to have tough conversations with your kids. 

Leslie-ism: Take the time to notice your child’s strengths, not just their problematic behavior. 

Show Note Links:
Understanding  the Three Dialectic Dilemmas in the Adolescent-Parent Relationship

Resources:

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, sexual assaults  or other mental health issues there are resources available for you. 

• National Sexual assault hotline 800-656-HOPE (4763)
• National Substance Abuse Hotline 866-210-1303
• Substance abuse and mental health administration 1-800-662-HELP  (4357)
• National Alliance of Mental Illness 212-684-3264

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie

Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Tink Media. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.