How to say ‘no’: The power of defiance, with Sunita Sah, PhD
Feb 12, 2025
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Sunita Sah, PhD, an organizational psychologist and author, dives into the challenges of saying 'no' in a world that pressures us to comply. She explores the empowering nature of defiance and its alignment with personal values. Topics include the critical differences between consent and compliance, and practical techniques to resist social pressures. Sah also discusses the 'voice empathy gap' in nursing, shedding light on the need for better communication across hierarchical structures. An insightful conversation on standing firm and asserting oneself!
Defiance, often mischaracterized as negative, is reframed as a vital expression of personal integrity and social responsibility.
The distinction between compliance and consent is critical, emphasizing that true consent requires the freedom to say no when necessary.
Deep dives
Redefining Defiance
Defiance is often misunderstood as a negative trait associated with rebellion, but it can be a positive force that aligns with one's values. The guest offers a new definition, framing defiance as acting in accordance with one's values despite social pressures. Personal experiences illustrate how early conditioning equates obedience with goodness, leading to a reluctance to speak up in critical situations. This reframing encourages individuals to embrace defiance as a necessary tool for personal integrity and social responsibility.
Understanding Compliance and Consent
The distinction between compliance and consent is crucial in navigating social dynamics. Compliance involves going along with external expectations, while consent represents a deeply considered decision aligned with personal values. The Guest emphasizes the importance of the freedom to say no when considering consent, linking it to informed decision-making. This understanding helps people recognize that true consent cannot exist without the ability to refuse something they do not agree with.
Overcoming Insinuation Anxiety
Insinuation anxiety is a significant barrier to expressing dissent in various settings, driven by the fear of appearing confrontational or distrustful. The guest shares a personal experience to illustrate how social pressure can compel individuals to comply with unworthy advice. By identifying and naming this anxiety, individuals can better manage their responses and minimize the discomfort associated with non-compliance. Recognizing this psychological barrier aids in fostering an environment where people feel empowered to speak up and advocate for their values.
Training for Defiance
Defiance is presented not as an inherent trait but as a skill that can be developed through practice and training. The guest advocates for building awareness of personal triggers and potential situations that may call for defiance, encouraging proactive preparation. Role-playing and visualizing scenarios where defiance may be needed can strengthen neural pathways and improve the ability to act in the moment. This method creates a foundation for asserting one's values comfortably, ultimately cultivating a culture of integrity.
How often do you “go along to get along,” or say yes when you really want to say no? Organizational psychologist Sunita Sah, PhD, author of “Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes,” talks about why it can be so hard to speak up and and how can you strengthen your resolve and ability to say no when the situation calls for it.