Working While Parenting a Teen: Not What I Expected
Nov 18, 2024
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In this insightful conversation, Danna Greenberg, a professor at Babson College and co-author of "Maternal Optimism," shares her wisdom on the unique challenges of being a working mom to teenagers. She and Amy G discuss the emotional labor involved in managing tumultuous teen years while striving for professional success. They tackle tough questions like handling urgent calls from teens, dealing with judgment from peers, and finding balance without becoming overly involved in their children's lives. It's a heartfelt and practical exploration of modern motherhood.
Parenting teens demands increased emotional labor from mothers, as they navigate their children's self-discovery while balancing work responsibilities.
Many parents mistakenly anticipate greater independence during their children's teenage years, discovering instead the emotional complexities and challenges require active engagement.
Establishing a robust support network and clear communication about boundaries is crucial for parents balancing the demands of work and raising adolescents.
Deep dives
Emotional Labor in Parenting Teenagers
Parenting teenagers involves a significant increase in emotional labor compared to earlier childhood stages. As adolescents seek independence, parents often navigate emotional turmoil regarding their children's self-discovery and challenges. The transition from managing younger children's schedules to addressing teenagers' emotional needs requires parents to adapt their support strategies. This shift highlights the complexity of balancing work responsibilities while being emotionally available for adolescent children, which can lead to added stress for parents.
The Illusion of Freedom in Teenage Parenting
Many parents enter the teenage years expecting newfound freedom and independence, only to find that challenges multiply rather than diminish. While older children may require less managerial oversight, they can bring new emotional complexities that demand parental attention and understanding. This misconception underscores a gap in expectations about how working motherhood evolves as children grow, revealing an ongoing need for active parental involvement. Therefore, parents may benefit from adjusting their perspectives on freedom during this stage of parenting.
Understanding Work-Life Integration
Successful work-life integration becomes critical as parents of teenagers must navigate shifting responsibilities both at work and home. Parents are encouraged to proactively manage these various roles and set boundaries to maintain focus. Conversations about work requirements and family availability can help bridge expectations, making it easier for parents to balance emotional support for their children with work demands. Through clear communication with both colleagues and children, parents can forge a path that respects the needs of each context.
Building Support Networks for Parenting
Having a robust network of support becomes essential for parents managing the complexities of raising teenagers. Encouraging children to cultivate their own sources of emotional and practical support provides a richer web of relationships to navigate life challenges. Teaching adolescents to seek help beyond their parents empowers them to develop independence while alleviating some emotional burdens from parents. This mutual support dynamic reinforces the importance of community among families and helps parents realize they are not alone in their struggles.
Navigating Career Paths While Parenting
As parents contemplate their career paths, understanding the non-linear nature of work becomes increasingly important. Many parents oscillate between career engagement and taking breaks for family priorities, learning that flexibility can benefit both their personal growth and their children’s development. Conversations around negotiating part-time arrangements or exploring gig opportunities can create space for parents to engage with their children while still maintaining professional ties. Recognizing that career is not a linear path allows parents to embrace new opportunities without guilt as they support their teenagers.
Do you expect and hope that you’ll have more time for yourself and for your career as your kids become teens and young adults? Amy G did. However, she didn’t fully anticipate the emotional intensity of being a working mom of a teenager. Responding to seemingly urgent texts, keeping track of an ever-changing after-school schedule, and being an on-call problem-solver would affect anyone’s ability to focus, including hers.
There’s little research on or conversation about this phase of working motherhood, and Amy wants to help other working moms not not only get through it but enjoy it as much as possible.
She’s joined by Babson College professor Danna Greenberg, who’s the co-author of Maternal Optimism and a mother of three twenty-somethings. Amy and Danna talk though questions like, How do I recover my focus after my kid calls to unload? How might I counter people’s judgy comments about how involved (or not) I am in my teen’s life? How can I avoid becoming my kid’s de facto boss?