Episode 269: Vanessa Van Edwards - Charisma. Are You Born With It or Can You Learn It?

Feb 28, 2022

Vanessa Van Edwards, Lead Behavioral Investigator at Science of People, delves into charisma, debunking myths of being born with it. She shares insights on managing social anxiety and awkwardness, explores non-verbal cues for charisma, and discusses the importance of saying no to opportunities that don't align with goals.

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ANECDOTE

From Awkward to Viral Success

Vanessa Van Edwards struggled with social anxiety and awkwardness growing up but started sharing tips as an ambivert.
Her small blog post on overcoming awkward small talk unexpectedly went viral, showing many share her feelings.

INSIGHT

Charisma Is Learnable & Balanced

Charisma is 30% innate but 70% cultivated, coming in many flavors beyond extroversion.
Balance warmth and competence to be trusted and respected, as imbalance causes being perceived as cold or ineffective.

INSIGHT

Brain Reacts Instantly to Social Cues

Spotting social rejection cues like eye rolls triggers an expanded field of vision and social defense mechanisms.
Our amygdala scans endlessly for warmth and alliance, driving subconscious reactions in social situations.

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Vanessa Van Edwards is the Lead Behavioral Investigator at Science of People - a company she founded over 15 years ago. She is an internationally acclaimed speaker and author of two books, Captivate and Cues.

Vanessa guides people on mastering the secret language of charismatic communication, and in this episode, Vanessa dives into the specifics of charisma. We ask the question “Are you born with it or can you learn?” and Vanessa’s answer may surprise you.

Vanessa grew up with social anxiety issues, leaving her feeling very awkward. She is an ambivert, which means she is somewhere in-between the introvert and extrovert spectrum. She details the Why Not Now? moment that set her on the path to being a Behavioral Investigator and how she has discovered that “Awkward” characteristics show up differently for different people, whether you are highly intelligent, the alpha in the room or constantly try to please everyone.

Vanessa lists her favorite non-verbal cues used by one of the most charismatic people on the planet. These examples shine a light on the fact that you have to be willing to try new cues in order to find the ones that work for you, because the delivery of your new idea, pitch, or whatever it may be, is just as important as the idea itself.

Vanessa talks through her Year of No, where she has vowed to say no to every new opportunity that isn’t directly in line with her goals. You’ll learn how she says no, how she evaluates opportunities and how it’s been going since she started saying no more this year.

This episode is jam packed with tangible takeaways that you can use today to be more engaged in your non-verbal communication.

Vanessa’s new books “Cues” is out on March 1st, 2022. Learn more at ScienceOfPeople.com.

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