Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Repairing Self-Abandonment: Anxious Attachment, Healthy Boundaries, and Creating Strong Relationships

Mar 11, 2024

01:06:59

Snipd AI

Explore self-abandonment and creating healthy relationships by setting boundaries, facing fears, and reframing beliefs. Learn about anxious attachment, self-referencing, and the balance between safety and authenticity. Discover the importance of internal security, navigating past expectations, and linking past wounds to present healing. Dive into relationship dynamics, inner self-image, and breaking repetitive patterns for personal growth.

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Quick takeaways

Self-abandonment stems from prioritizing others' needs over personal authenticity and boundaries.

Reclaiming safety in oneself involves recognizing outdated beliefs and fostering inner strength for authenticity.

Shifting focus from external validation to internal worth promotes self-security and balanced self-care in relationships.

Deep dives

Understanding Self-Abandonment

Self-abandonment involves disregarding one's own desires and needs to prioritize meeting others' expectations or seeking security. Many engage in self-abandonment due to past experiences that conditioned them to prioritize others' needs for safety and validation. This behavior can lead to neglecting one's authenticity and vulnerability, disconnecting from inner core feelings, and even self-attacking with shame and loathing to cope with past relationships.

Embrace Self-Sufficiency and Differentiation

01:54

Embrace Grief, Move Beyond Shame

01:26

Healing the Wounded Self

01:17

Navigating the Double Bind in Therapy

01:46

Introduction

2min

Reclaiming Authenticity: Overcoming Self-Abandonment

21min

Finding Balance Between Autonomy and Intimacy

10min

Exploring Self-Abandonment and Seeking Internal Security

6min

Navigating Past Expectations to Embrace Present Coping Abilities

4min

Exploring Self-Abandonment and Relationship Dynamics

14min

Healing Through Linking Technique

12min

Exploring Inner Self-Image and Breaking Relationship Patterns

2min

On today’s episode Dr. Rick and Forrest explore self-abandonment, which occurs when we go against our authentic wants, emotions, and boundaries in order to serve others, meet external expectations, or protect ourselves emotionally. They cover where self-abandonment comes from, the psychological function it serves, and the relationship between self-abandonment and similar concepts like anxious attachment, low self-worth, and external referencing. You’ll learn how to set healthy boundaries, stop neglecting yourself, and become more secure from the inside out.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:00: Common features of self-abandonment

12:30: Facing the fear of our authentic self being seen

16:05: Facing shame and self-criticism

21:00: Self-referencing vs. referencing ourselves in relation to others

33:10: The belief that safety feels more critical than authenticity

40:55: Our relationship to nature, and joining with the defense

50:55: Relationships, openness to change, and bringing parts into awareness

55:20: Cognitive restructuring, and redefining our self-abandoning beliefs

58:50: Recap

Forrest is now writing on Substack, check out his work there.

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

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