How to Stop People Pleasing to Finally Trust Yourself Again | ft. Dr. Ingrid Clayton HTS w/ DrG #422

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Episode Description:

Have you ever caught yourself saying “yes” when every part of you wanted to say “no”? Or smiling through discomfort because it felt safer than speaking your truth? That’s not just people-pleasing—it’s survival. Psychologist and author Dr. Ingrid Clayton calls it the fawn response: a trauma pattern where your body learns to appease, perform, or caretake as a way to stay safe. It’s not a conscious choice—it’s conditioning written into the nervous system when speaking up once felt dangerous. In this raw and illuminating conversation, Dr. Clayton joins Dr. G to explore: • What fawning really is — and why it’s more than just “being too nice” • The childhood roots of fawning: when kids learn to appease to survive chaos, neglect, or abuse • Why fawning often gets misdiagnosed as codependency, people-pleasing, or “low self-esteem” • The hidden signs: hypervigilance, scanning the room for other people’s moods, anxiety you don’t even recognize as anxiety • Gaslighting yourself — how trauma survivors often minimize their own experiences with toxic positivity or “it wasn’t that bad” narratives • Why setting boundaries can feel life-threatening — and why it must start with building safety inside your own body, not just “trying harder” • The link between fawning and anger: how unexpressed rage gets trapped in the body until you learn to give it voice • How fawning shows up in adulthood: in relationships where one person takes up 80% of the space and you squeeze yourself into the other 20% • Why siblings in the same household adapt differently — one might fight, another flees, another fawns, depending on role, temperament, and family dynamics • The gifts hidden inside fawning: heightened sensitivity, intuition, even artistry and performance — and how to reclaim those without losing yourself Dr. Clayton also shares her personal story: growing up in a chaotic home, becoming a therapist and author, and realizing that even after decades of training, she was still living out this survival response. Her journey shows how awareness, somatic work, and slow, safe practice can turn survival patterns into resilience and presence. If you’ve ever felt invisible, unheard, or like you’re living for everyone but yourself—this episode will help you see that you’re not broken. You’re adaptive. And you can change. 👉 Ready to understand why you’ve been living small—and how to finally take up space? Listen now. Find Dr Ingrid Clayton here:

Instagram: instagram.com/ingridclaytonphd

Website: ingridclayton.com

Timestamps:

0:00 - Intro

1:46 - Rapid Fire

4:50 - The One Boundary That Changes Everything for Fawners

6:17 - Why Traditional Therapy Failed to Heal Fawning Patterns

11:42 - Fawning Explained: Appease or Caretake to Lessen Harm

15:24 - Self-Abandonment: When Being Helpful Becomes Self-Betrayal

21:00 - How Fawning Shows Up in Adult Relationships

30:10 - "What Do I Want?" Learning to Tune Into Your Own Needs

34:01 - The Fawner's Superpower: Reading the Room and Nervous Systems

39:23 - Self-Gaslighting and Toxic Positivity: What Keeps Fawning Intact

43:57 - The Anger Underneath: Why All Fawners Are Angry

48:14 - Finding Your Voice: Breaking Free from Performance Mode

52:03 - Why Setting Boundaries Feels Life-Threatening

55:55 - Healing Fawning: What Authentic Expression Actually Feels Like