94: Disorganized Attachment In Dating And Relationships With Thais Gibson

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Aug 30, 2024

Thais Gibson, co-founder of The Personal Development School, dives deep into attachment styles and their profound impact on relationships. She explains how secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachments form from childhood experiences. Thais shares her own struggles with disorganized attachment, revealing the fear that love can evoke. The conversation emphasizes the importance of empathy, clear communication, and healing personal wounds. Together, they explore practical strategies for navigating relationships and fostering healthier connections.

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INSIGHT

Attachment Styles Overview

Secure attachment develops from consistent care and attunement, leading to fulfilling relationships.
Insecure attachment stems from various forms of childhood neglect or trauma, resulting in relationship challenges.

ANECDOTE

Dating Someone Disorganized

Sabrina Zohar shares a personal experience dating someone with disorganized attachment.
This individual exhibited hot and cold behavior, expressing deep connection followed by sudden withdrawal and inconsistencies.

INSIGHT

Dismissive vs. Disorganized

Dismissive avoidants maintain distance consistently, while disorganized individuals fluctuate between intense connection and withdrawal.
Disorganized attachment involves yearning for love while simultaneously fearing it, leading to internal conflict.

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Sitting down with Sabrina today is Thais Gibson, co-founder of The Personal Development School, which focuses on attachment styles: secure, anxious, dismissive avoidant, and fearful avoidant (or disorganized). She and Sabrina talk about the different attachment styles to lay the groundwork for this conversation. Secure attachment develops when a caregiver is attuned, leading to fulfilling relationships. Anxious attachment often arises when parents are loving but absent, leading to fear of abandonment. Dismissive avoidants experience emotional neglect and struggle with feeling trapped. Fearful avoidants grow up in chaotic environments, resulting in conflicting desires for love and connection while fearing them. Thais shares her experience with disorganized attachment, where strong feelings of love triggered fear, causing her to shut down and push people away. Sabrina and Thais emphasize the importance of understanding attachment styles, showing empathy for internal struggles, and maintaining clear, kind communication. In relationships, anxious and avoidant types can work together if both are willing to grow and communicate effectively. Healing disorganized attachment involves reprogramming core wounds, understanding personal needs, and learning self-regulation and healthy boundaries. The journey is challenging but transformative.

Get Thais' book, "Attachment Theory: A Guide to Strengthening the Relationships in Your Life"

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