The podcast explores the struggles of modern dating, the crisis of connection in society, and the origins of romanticism. It discusses the impact of romantic ideals portrayed in media, the influence of films on love, and the democratization of excess in online dating. Personal experiences with dating apps are shared, highlighting both the positive and negative aspects. The chapter also acknowledges listeners' responses, features an interview, and includes sponsorship messages.
Modern dating, especially online dating, has become a struggle and contributes to increased feelings of loneliness.
The origins of modern romantic ideals can be traced back to movements like the French Revolution and the Yena Romantics, emphasizing individual freedom and connection with others.
Deep dives
The Paradox of Valentine's Day and Idealized Love
Valentine's Day is often seen as a manufactured holiday that forces people to adhere to scripted expressions of romantic love. The speaker, reflecting on their own experiences, discusses their dislike for Valentine's Day and how it took them a while to understand why. They talk about the modern dating landscape, where they found that the search for a partner has become commodified and detached, much like the commercialization of love on Valentine's Day. The speaker invites listeners to share their experiences with modern love and online dating, highlighting the growing sense of alienation and loneliness despite the ease of meeting people via dating apps.
The Origins of Romantic Love and the Yena Romantics
The episode delves into the origins of the romantic ideals and the evolution of romanticism. It explores the influence of the French Revolution, which inspired a movement focused on individualism and emotional experiences. The story then shifts to Germany's Yena Romantics, a group of young thinkers and philosophers who advocated for individual freedom and self-determination. Their discussions and writings, including Karolina Schlegel Schelling's influential role, laid the foundations for the ideas of modern romantic love. The episode highlights the complex nature of romanticism and its emphasis on liberation, sexual freedom, and the pursuit of connection with others.
The Impact of Media on Love and Dating
The episode examines the impact of media, including books, movies, and stories, on our understanding of love. It explores the common romantic ideals portrayed in films and books that often shape our perceptions of love and relationships. The speaker interviews Dr. Veronica Hefner, who studies the psychological effects of media on relationships, and discusses how the romantic ideals depicted in media can shape our preferences and expectations. The episode highlights how these ideals may impact our dating experiences, leading to a paradox of choice, anxiety, and a search for an idealized version of love that may not be attainable.
The Role of Dating Apps and the Search for Love
The episode explores the rise of dating apps and their impact on modern dating practices. It delves into the economic incentives of dating apps, where the focus is on keeping users engaged and on the app for longer periods. The speaker interviews Maura Weigel, an expert on dating culture, who discusses the historical context of dating and the shift from traditional courtship to online dating. The episode highlights how dating apps, while initially seen as a way to broaden access to potential partners, can lead to a sense of disembodiment, paradox of choice, and a simulation of experience that hinders the formation of meaningful connections.
We asked you to call us with your stories of looking for love in the 21st century — and man, did you come through. We heard the whole range of human experience in your stories, but one theme rang out loud and clear: dating, and especially online dating, is a struggle.
The data backs this up. Despite the fact that meeting someone today doesn't require much more than swiping on your phone, people who are looking for long-term relationships are lonelier than ever.
Why is it like this? How did love – this thing that's supposed to be beautiful, magical, transformative – turn into a neverending slog? We went searching for answers, and we found them in surprising places. On today's show: a time-hopping, philosophical journey into the origins of modern love.
Correction: An earlier version of this episode incorrectly said that the Jena Romantics shared a house for 10 years. In fact they lived and worked in close proximity, occasionally cohabitating, for approximately five years