Q&A#6: Am I damaging my child?

Today's episode comes from listener who submitted an emotional voicemail on the Ask Jen a Question button on the Your Parenting Mojo homepage, which boils down to:

Am I damaging my child?

The messages you can leave are limited to two minutes in length, so we get just a taste of what the parent is struggling with: a difficult relationship with their neurodivergent son, because he triggers the parent and then the parent feels triggered again by the guilt and shame that some of the challenges the son is facing might be the parent's fault.

In this episode I walk though neuropsychologist R. Douglas Fields' LIFEMORTS framework of rage triggers - because if we understand the kinds of things that trigger us, we can avoid some of those triggers entirely and then see the rest of them coming and resource ourselves before they arrive.

I link these rage triggers with broader social issues that we may be carrying in the backs of our minds without even realizing it, and the energy it takes to constantly manage our thoughts about these issues is energy we don't have to spend meeting our children's needs - or our needs.

I also offer a set of three steps you can use to help you navigate triggering situations with your children more effectively.

Taming Your Triggers Masterclass

If you see that your relationship with your child isn't where you want it to be because you:

• Speak to them in a tone or using words that you would never let other people use with your child...
• Are rougher with their bodies than you know you should be when you feel frustrated...
• Feel guilt and/or shame about how they're experiencing your words and actions, even though your intentions are never to hurt them...

...the Taming Your Triggers masterclass will help you.

Get instant access for $7. Click the banner to sign up!!

• Other episodes mentioned:207: How to not be a permissive parent
• 224: How to heal your Mom Rage (coming up)

Jump to highlights

00:58 Introducing today’s topic

01:17 Listener recorded question

02:55 Jen empathizes with the parent's stress and dual triggers of misbehavior and self-judgment, acknowledges potential trauma or neurodivergence, validates their experience.

18:26 Understand your triggers by exploring nine categories (LIFEMORTS): life or limb, insult, family, environment, mate, order in society, resources, tribe, and stopped, as outlined by Dr. R. Douglas Fields.

34:02 Mom rage, deeply intertwined with systemic gender and racial inequalities, reflects broader societal issues and significantly impacts women's health and parenting.

46:06 Intergenerational trauma affects all communities, passing down violence and its impacts through generations.

46:55 Three ways to support parents dealing with their own trauma and its impact on their children.