Does My Spouse Really Want to Change?

In today’s episode of Grounded Union Podcast, discover how to distinguish between surface-level apologies and genuine transformation. Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen tackle one of the hardest questions couples face: “Does my spouse truly want to change?” Through raw personal stories of repeated betrayals, false starts, and painful honesty, they highlight the subtle yet powerful signs of authentic change. From nervous system regulation to the hard work of transparency, this episode sheds light on both red flags and green lights for anyone navigating broken trust.

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Timestamps & Key Moments:

• 00:00:28 – Season 2, Episode 4: Caitlyn explains that when partners ask if change is possible, it’s usually about deeper wounds, not just curiosity.
• 00:01:37 – Brandon quotes, “When the pain of staying is greater than the fear of leaving, that’s when people choose change.”
• 00:02:43 – What Real Change Requires: They emphasize that transformation is measured by consistent investment, not by promises or workshops attended.
• 00:03:39 – Two Destructive Responses: How passivity and defensiveness sabotage connection and keep couples stuck.
• 00:05:30 – Stuck in the Same Cycle: They reflect on years of repeating the same wounds despite therapy, church, and community.
• 00:07:05 – Caitlyn’s Breaking Point: Another betrayal in 2019 forces Caitlyn to question if their marriage could truly survive.
• 00:08:43 – Radical Intimacy Defined: Caitlyn sets a new standard for union: no hiddenness, no secrets, no separation.
• 00:10:30 – Brandon Commits to Change: He agrees to strip away distractions and fully reorient his life toward healing.
• 00:11:41 – The Six-Month Window: Real transformation requires months of consistent effort, not instant results.
  00:16:01 – Daily Work Over Quick Fixes: Healing came through daily accountability and practice rather than weekend intensives.
• 00:20:00 – Radical Transparency Builds Safety: True intimacy deepened only when Brandon confessed even the “small” lapses consistently.
• 00:26:02 – Defining a Shared Vision of Union:  Both commit to exclusivity, honesty, and a clear standard for their future together.
• 00:35:00 – Choosing Who You Want to Become: Focus less on “how” to change and more on “who” they want to become.