ADHD for Smart Ass Women with Tracy Otsuka EP. 367: You Can Be Right And Still Feel Miserable; The Emotional Cost of Needing to Be Understood
Jan 14, 2026
The need for understanding can shift from connection to survival, especially for those with ADHD. Feelings of being misunderstood trigger a nervous system response, leading to over-explaining as a defense mechanism. This phenomenon is connected to rejection-sensitive dysphoria and the empathy gap in communication. Discover practical strategies to protect your energy and foster effective communication without exhausting yourself. It's time to prioritize safety over mere understanding in relationships to enhance emotional well-being.
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Energy Crash After Social Overload
- Tracy Otsuka shares a story of a friend drained after nonstop social events who tried to explain her shutdown to her extroverted husband.
- The more she explained, the worse the fight became, illustrating how trying to be understood can backfire.
When Connection Becomes Survival
- Wanting to be understood begins as connection energy but can flip into survival energy when the nervous system triggers.
- Once survival energy takes over, explaining becomes about control and avoiding rejection, not connection.
RSD Is A Nervous System Pattern
- Repeated misinterpretation wires ADHD brains to expect rejection, producing rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD).
- A reactive amygdala prioritizes safety over logic, causing rapid explanations to avoid perceived social threat.
