Ep 16: How Not to Hate Your Partner with Jancee Dunn

Sep 12, 2025

Join author and journalist Jancee Dunn as she dives into the rollercoaster of marriage and parenthood. She shares hilarious yet poignant insights on the struggles of communication and the unexpected stressors of new parenthood. Dunn emphasizes the importance of establishing clear roles and responsibilities, as well as seeking couples therapy to navigate conflicts. Explore how societal expectations impact intimacy and the necessity of date nights to reconnect with your partner, ensuring love thrives amidst parenting chaos.

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ANECDOTE

From Peace To Daily Battles

Jancee Dunn recounts how she and Tom, once a peaceful couple, erupted into frequent fights after their baby arrived.
Small triggers like the diaper genie or dishwasher escalated into big arguments amid sleep deprivation and shock.

INSIGHT

Communication Asymmetry Explains Many Fights

Men and women often communicate asymmetrically, causing missed signals and resentment.
Jancee notes many fights stem from lack of explicit asks and unexpressed vulnerability.

ANECDOTE

Terry Real's Brutal Weekend Intensive

Jancee describes attending Terry Real's intensive with Tom while their daughter stayed in a separate room full of treats.
Terry loudly challenged both of them, praising Tom's fathering and calling out Jancee's martyrdom and abusive language.

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Summary

In this conversation, Jancee Dunn shares her experiences navigating the complexities of marriage and parenthood, highlighting the unexpected challenges that arise when transitioning into parenthood. She discusses the importance of communication, the impact of societal expectations on relationships, and the necessity of seeking help through couples therapy. Dunn emphasizes the need for clarity in roles and responsibilities, as well as the importance of reconnecting with one's partner after having children. The conversation also touches on the challenges of maintaining intimacy and the emotional toll of parenting on relationships.

Chapters

00:00 Communication Breakdown in Relationships
07:42 The Asymmetry of Communication Between Genders
10:21 Understanding Stonewalling and Its Effects
16:19 The Role of Empathy in Conflict Resolution
18:14 Seeking Help: The Journey to Therapy
24:30 Terry Real's Tough Love Approach
30:39 The Impact of Parental Conflict on Children
32:20 Breaking the Cycle of Anger
33:13 Understanding Communication in Relationships
33:58 Reconnecting as Partners
34:53 Navigating the Transition to Empty Nest
35:48 Establishing Systems for Relationship Health
37:30 The Importance of Date Nights
38:56 Mindfulness in Parenting and Relationships
42:51 The Impact of Sensuality on Intimacy
43:49 The Work Behind a Healthy Sex Life
47:51 Resentment and Connection in Relationships
51:29 Preparing for Parenthood
53:31 The Division of Labor in Parenting
56:03 Negotiation and Clarity in Relationships
56:53 The Power Imbalance in Relationships

Keywords

parenthood, relationships, communication, couples therapy, intimacy, family dynamics, conflict resolution, marriage, parenting challenges, emotional connection

Takeaways

We were one of those annoying couples who rarely fought.
You don't know until it happens how your life is going to completely turn upside down.
We passed it, but not us.
There's something taboo about this fighting that goes on behind closed doors.
I would expect him to read my mind.
It's not taking a break. It's punitive.
You can't talk to him like that.
What are you giving to the relationship?
You have to learn to negotiate.
It's comforting to know a lot of us are going through this.

Titles

Navigating Parenthood: The Realities of Marriage
Communication in Relationships: The Key to Connection

Sound Bites

"We passed it, but not us."
"You can't talk to him like that."
"You have to learn to negotiate."