Optimal Relationships Daily - Dating, Marriage and Parenting 1694: When A Parent Needs Too Much: What Is Enmeshment and How Does It Hurt A Child? by Dr. Margaret Rutherford
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Mar 24, 2023 Dr. Margaret Rutherford dives into the concept of enmeshment between parents and children, highlighting unclear boundaries that lead to unhealthy dynamics. She shares examples of parents oversharing and expecting loyalty, making children feel like emotional supports rather than independent individuals. The consequences for adult children include feelings of guilt, insecurity, and a struggle with independence. Rutherford outlines the path to breaking these patterns, stressing the importance of support for parents and the need for adult children to build their own identities.
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Blurred Parent-Child Boundaries
- Enmeshment erases clear boundaries so parent and child become psychologically tangled.
- This dynamic makes independence feel wrong and loyalty to the parent mandatory.
Example From 'Educated'
- Tara Westover's memoir Educated illustrates extreme enmeshment where parents isolated children from school and society.
- Her challenge to family rules came with heavy personal cost and loss.
How Enmeshment Shows Up Daily
- Enmeshment often looks like constant contact and unsolicited opinions about everyone's business.
- These patterns normalize over-involvement and make distance feel disloyal.
