Why You Fear They’ll Leave — Rewiring an Anxious Attachment

In today’s episode we are diving deep into the ambivalent attachment style, where it comes from, how it shows up in your relationships and how you can start rewiring it.

If you often feel like you’re too much and not enough or constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop in relationships, this one is for you. 

Understanding Attachment:

o Attachment is a biological system, its innate.
o Attachment is developed within relationships
o People with adverse childhood experiences, experience higher levels or incidences of insecure/anxious attachment.
o Internal working models (blueprint)- patterns of relating are internalised = how we relate to others.
We have a pro-social system – our system wants to return to secure attachment so it’s possible for everyone.
Attachment styles are designed to; maximise available care provided by the caregiver and limit the level of distress.

We dive into the following:

The Ambivalant Attachment Style develops when there is inconsistency in the way the caregiver responds to the child. 

The Fear of Being Left 
•How it shows up in adult relationships
•The loop: fear > control > guilt > shame

Rewiring & Repair  

Nervous system!!!
-Corrective experience of being present with love and connection 
-Secure attachment rituals – e.g. before bed connection and rituals because that can be a separation too. Greetings!! Our systems are delicate and responsive and that’s a strength too
-Learn how to make requests in a positive way (no shame/blame) 
-The story I’m telling myself about being unloveable 
-Notice caring behaviours without deflection 

Let us know if you'd like more attachment episodes!!

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Please note: this episode is for informational purposes only and does not replace personalised psychological advice.