Exploring the development of people pleasing as a coping mechanism. Understanding the pattern, discovering what we need and want. Gratitude, compassion, and breaking the pattern of people-pleasing. Breaking the habit of people pleasing with open communication and self-connection.
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Quick takeaways
People pleasing is a coping mechanism that develops in response to childhood environments that are unsafe or unpredictable.
Breaking the pattern of people pleasing requires conscious awareness, setting boundaries, and fostering a connection with one's authentic self.
Deep dives
People pleasing as a coping mechanism
People pleasing is a coping mechanism that develops in response to childhood environments that are unsafe or unpredictable. It involves dismissing one's own needs and hyper focusing on the needs of others to create a sense of safety. This coping mechanism is often learned subconsciously as a way to control situations and people, but it can persist into adulthood.
Different origins of people pleasing
People pleasing can have different origins for individuals. For some, it stems from environments characterized by fear and constant vigilance, where meeting others' needs was a way to avoid conflict or harm. For others, it arises from stressful environments that revolve around health concerns, leading to a pattern of prioritizing others' needs to decrease the overall stress in the family. Despite the contrasting origins, both paths lead to the same adaptive coping mechanism of people pleasing.
Breaking the pattern of people pleasing
The pattern of people pleasing doesn't end in childhood and can persist into adulthood. Breaking this pattern requires conscious awareness and making new choices. It involves recognizing when one is outsourcing their own needs and creating space to check in with oneself. It also entails setting boundaries, practicing self-trust, and fostering a connection with one's authentic self. Breaking the habit of people pleasing is a journey that requires compassion, practice, and a commitment to living authentically.
In this episode, we talk about one of the most common trauma responses: fawning. Fawning is another word for people pleasing. Or believing other people “know better” than we do. We recently made a post on Instagram about people pleasing went viral, so we decided to break down how we learn this pattern, why it creates resentment + low self worth, and how we can take steps to start connecting to our inner knowing.