Gay Men Going Deeper Perfectionism, Pressure, and the Gay Overachiever
15 snips
Oct 2, 2025 
In this engaging discussion, guest Scott Stirrett, an award-winning LGBTQ changemaker and founder of Venture for Canada, delves into the nuances of perfectionism and overachievement within the gay community. Scott shares insights on how internalized shame drives the need for external validation, recounting his own journey from Goldman Sachs to embracing vulnerability. Together, they explore the difference between healthy ambition and shame-fueled hustle, and the importance of finding intrinsic motivation while accepting failure as part of growth.
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Golden Boy Identity And The Breakup
- Michael describes becoming the "good boy/golden boy" whose worth depended on achievement and external praise.
- He later experienced a dark-night breakup that cracked that shell and forced him to redefine success from within.
From Bullying To Goldman Sachs To OCD
- Scott shares growing up bullied, then excelling academically to prove worth and later joining Goldman Sachs before leaving to found Venture for Canada.
- He later faced OCD and recognized perfectionism and winning as tied to his self-worth.
Why Gay Men Overachieve
- Gay men often channel internalized shame into overachievement and prestige-seeking as a compensatory strategy.
- Scott and Michael note high representation of gay men in elite institutions and competitive workplaces driven by external validation.
