ERP 162: How To Know If You Are With A Narcissist And What To Do About It - Dr. Lisa Firestone

GUEST: LISA FIRESTONE, PHD

Lisa Firestone, PhD is Director of Research and Education with the Glendon Association. She is the author of numerous articles and chapters and co-author of Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice and Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion: the Wisdom of Psychotherapy, most recently Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships (APA books) Dr Firestone is a practicing clinical psychologist.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

Dr. Lisa Firestone wrote In a Relationship with a Narcissist? What You Need to Know About Narcissistic Relationships. I highly recommend reading it, if you have concerns about narcissism in your relationship.

LISTEN TO THE EPISODE TO LEARN ABOUT:

Narcissism:

• Narcissistic traits and tendencies.
• Types of narcissism.
• The flip side of narcissism.
• How narcissism is often taught by a narcissist parent.
• How attachment plays a role.
• All or nothing thinking and narcissism.

"It is important for the partner with narcissistic traits to begin to recognize, they don't have to be special to deserve love, attention, and care." Dr. Lisa Firestone

How does narcissism negatively impact relationship:

• The relationship development and process (the beginning of the relationship versus the more established relationship)
• What the relationship dynamic typically looks like with a partner with narcissistic traits.
• The role of projection in relationship.
• How to work with the inner critical voice, and the importance of a realistic and compassionate voice.

How to deal with a narcissistic partner:

• Identify your needs and wants proactively and specifically.
• Work with your anger. Recognize when your anger has significant charge, and possibly ask the question "What about this situation activates so much anger in me?"
• Be willing to address and confront your partner with the intention to develop more understanding and cooperation.

"You have a lot of power to change your relationship, but you have zero power to change your partner". Dr. Lisa Firestone

How to improve the relationship dynamic, when narcissism is at play:

• Recognize problematic relationship dynamics (it may be important to get support from a trained professional to assist in this process).
• Explore deeper fears, needs, and longings together (it may be important to get support from a trained professional to assist in this process).
• Promote and develop empathy together (it may be important to get support from a trained professional to assist in this process).

MENTIONED:

• In a Relationship with a Narcissist? What You Need to Know About Narcissistic Relationships, by Dr. Lisa Firestone
• PsychAlive (to Dr. Lisa Firestone's programs and courses)
• Adult attachment Interview (research article)
• Self Under Siege (book)
• Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice (book)
• Sex And Love In Intimate Relationships (book)

TRANSCRIPT:

Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode:

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If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.