JBD Team Talks: When You're Emotionally Out of Step with Your STBX

Whether you are conscious of it or not, there are actually two parts of a divorce – the practical and the emotional. Typically the person who is initiating the divorce started their emotional divorce when they first began to think about whether divorce was even a possibility. This means that they often are further into the emotional divorce process than their spouse when the practical pieces kick in.

It's highly unlikely that your spouse will be in the same place you are with regard to their emotions and grief around the separation and/or divorce. Your spouse will most likely move slower. It's easy to misinterpret behaviors such as anger, denial and bargaining as them being difficult or digging in their heels. These behaviors are actually just normal parts of their grieving process.

When you are emotionally out of step with your spouse, particularly in the early stages of the process, whether you are in front of them or behind them, there are strategies that you can implement that can begin to move things forward and make the process easier and more productive.

No matter how frustrated or triggered you are about their behavior, finding ways to make the divorce process easier for your STBX will also be valuable for you and for the process.

Every upset is a set up for self-growth and personal discovery. It's important to come back to yourself and your reactions to the situation, (the only things we ultimately have control of) rather than focusing all your energy on the other person.

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