Sexvangelicals S9E11: Ask a Sex Therapist: Does Body Count Actually Count? With Natasha Helfer
Sep 29, 2025
Natasha Helfer, a licensed marriage and family therapist and a certified sex therapist, dives into the complex question of whether body count matters. She discusses how societal norms enforce gendered shame and the harm of quantifying sexual experiences. Natasha emphasizes the need to redefine sex beyond just intercourse, promoting solo sexuality and pleasure. She also explores the impact of religious trauma on sexual development and encourages a shift from quantity to quality in sexual relationships, focusing on ethics and mutual growth.
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Body Count Is A Cultural Script
- The term "body count" encodes gendered shame and status tied to patriarchy and purity culture.
- Natasha Helfer calls the question "stupid" because it reduces people to a number and reflects deep cultural scripts.
Personal Example Of Early Shaming
- Natasha shares that her early dating involved two premarital partners which felt promiscuous in her worldview.
- She faced male partners who were distressed that her count exceeded theirs, illustrating double standards.
Broaden The Definition Of Sex
- Defining sex only as penis-in-vagina intercourse erases many sexual experiences and identities.
- Helfer urges expanding to "outer course" and solo sexuality to include pleasure beyond intercourse.