Suppressing emotions in casual sex can be psychologically damaging and goes against our natural instinctual wiring.
Prostitution can be traumatic for women as it goes against deeply ingrained instincts and may lead to long-term psychological consequences.
The rise of platforms like OnlyFans highlights the challenges and potential negative consequences of sex work, including leaked photos, image theft, and difficulty finding acceptance and long-term partners.
Cultural influences and media representations can lead individuals to suppress their instincts and engage in behaviors that might not align with their true desires, emphasizing the importance of recognizing the nuanced nature of sexual interactions and the influence of both biology and societal norms.
Deep dives
The Impact of the Sexual Revolution and Changing Sexual Norms
The podcast episode discusses the aftermath and consequences of the sexual revolution, which aimed to liberate women from strict sexual norms. However, the speaker argues that both men and women are now in a difficult situation. The push for emotionless, casual sex and detachment from sexual encounters has led to anxieties, misunderstandings, and dissatisfaction for both genders. The speaker highlights the dangers of trying to adopt a "no feelings" approach in sexual relationships and explores the pressure on young girls from platforms like TikTok, the impact of pornography on men, and the challenges faced by the growing population of sexless men. Overall, the episode delves into the complex interplay between changing social norms, sexual dynamics, and individual experiences.
The Role of Culture, Media, and Feminism
The podcast discusses how cultural influences, media representations, and feminist ideologies shape our perceptions and behaviors regarding sex and relationships. It explores the conflicting messages conveyed by media, including magazines encouraging women to engage in casual sex while also experiencing conflict and discomfort with it. The speaker challenges the notion of sexual disenchantment and argues that people still attach significance and meaning to sex, despite societal pressures to view it as a casual, meaningless activity. The discussion also points out the disconnect between liberal feminism's promotion of sexual hedonism and the rising concerns related to consent and #MeToo movement experiences. The speaker emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and understanding the psychological differences between men and women when discussing sexual behaviors and societal expectations.
The Shift in Gender Dynamics and the Impact on Relationships
The podcast episode examines the shifting gender dynamics in modern society and the consequences it has on relationships. It discusses how the increasing number of successful and educated women has disrupted traditional gender roles and left many men feeling emasculated and uncertain about their place in the dating market. With fewer men meeting the status and education criteria preferred by women, dating struggles arise, leading to frustration and resentment from both genders. The discussion also touches on the challenges faced by young men who feel alienated and disadvantaged in the current sexual landscape. The speaker explores the benefits of monogamous marriage as a stabilizing force and highlights the societal advantages of fostering norms and expectations around commitment and family.
The Disconnect between Expectations and Realities
The podcast delves into the gap between societal expectations and individual experiences regarding sex and relationships. It questions the idea of sexual disenchantment, noting that people still hold deep emotional and instinctual responses to sex, even if they claim to adhere to a more "rational" and detached approach. The episode explores how cultural influences and media representations, such as romanticizing casual sex, can lead individuals to suppress their instincts and engage in behaviors that might not align with their true desires. It addresses the issue of consent and the complexities surrounding the #MeToo movement, highlighting the blurred lines between genuine consent, uncomfortable situations, and differing expectations between men and women. The discussion emphasizes the importance of recognizing the nuanced nature of sexual interactions and the influence of both biology and societal norms on human behavior.
Understanding the Purpose of Emotional Attachment in Relationships
Emotional attachment to a sexual partner is a natural instinct, primarily driven by our animal brain. It stems from our biology, which is primed for reproduction and raising vulnerable offspring. Emotional attachment serves the purpose of ensuring a safe and stable environment for both the mother and child. Women, in particular, have a strong instinct to vet their sexual partners to choose those who seem like good prospects for a committed and supportive relationship. Suppressing these instincts and engaging in casual or loveless sex can be psychologically damaging and goes against our natural wiring.
The Distress of Prostitution and the Suppression of Instincts
Prostitution can be profoundly distressing to women because it requires the suppression of natural instincts. Women have a strong vetting instinct when it comes to choosing sexual partners and tend to have a low sexual disgust threshold. Engaging in prostitution involves overriding these instincts and dissociating from physical feelings. Prostitutes often have to work hard to fight the urge to vomit or dissociate from their experiences. It can be traumatic as it goes against deeply ingrained instincts and can lead to long-term psychological consequences.
The Impact and Risks of OnlyFans and the Normalization of Sex Work
The rise of platforms like OnlyFans has sparked debates about the benefits and risks of sex work. While some women make a significant income on OnlyFans, such success is rare, and many women on the platform do not earn enough to justify the time and effort they invest. Normalizing sex work may create the notion that easy money can be made, but the reality is often different. OnlyFans creators face challenges such as leaked photos, image theft, and potential repercussions in future relationships. Additionally, societal double standards can make it difficult for women to find acceptance and long-term partners after engaging in sex work.
Louise Perry is a writer, Press Officer for the campaign group We Can’t Consent To This and an author.
50 years ago there was a dream of women being released from the patriarchal shackles of stringent sexual norms. They should be able to sleep around like men, talk about sex like men and decouple their emotions from their bodies like men. Except it didn't quite work out, and now Louise thinks that both men and women are in a bad spot.
Expect to learn why trying to not catch feelings when sleeping with someone is very dangerous, how TikTok is encouraging young girls into rough sex, whether sex work is real work, why men's porn addictions are ruining their sex lives, how the washing machine is more useful than most feminists, whether inventing the pill was an error and much more...
