Transition One involves balancing careers and maintaining a strong relationship by aligning and understanding each other's career priorities and life direction.
Transition Two requires open conversations about career direction, individual aspirations, and joint support as couples redefine their identities and pursue new paths.
Transition Three involves adapting to post-parenting life, embracing the freedom and possibilities of the future, and supporting each other in creating a fulfilling life together post-parenting.
Deep dives
Transition One: Moving from Parallel Lives to Building a Life Together
Transition One is about the shift from leading parallel lives to building a life together as a couple. It occurs when a hard choice arises, such as moving for a job or starting a family, and requires the couple to figure out how to structure their lives to balance careers and maintain a strong relationship. Conversations around career prioritization and life direction are important during this transition to ensure alignment and understanding.
Transition Two: Exploring Identity and Reinvention
Transition Two typically happens in mid-career and involves questioning one's path and identity. It's a time to reflect on what one truly wants and whether their current career aligns with their aspirations. Couples may both go through this transition at the same time, leading to tension. Successful navigation of Transition Two involves open and honest conversations about career direction, individual aspirations, and joint support as couples redefine their identities and pursue new paths.
Transition Three: Loss and Opportunity in Late Career
Transition Three occurs before retirement and is characterized by changing social roles and adapting to post-parenting life. It's a time of both loss and opportunity, as couples face the challenge of redefining themselves and their relationship. This transition requires acknowledging the loss of past roles while embracing the freedom and possibilities of the future. Couples who thrive in Transition Three explore new passions, engage in joint projects, and support each other in navigating the changes to create a fulfilling life together post-parenting.
The Importance of Values, Boundaries, and Fear
Throughout all transitions, discussions around values, boundaries, and fears are crucial. Values refer to what truly matters to both partners individually and as a couple. It's important to have explicit conversations to gain a deep understanding of each other's values and aspirations. Boundaries help define the limits and priorities of the relationship, such as time, location, and family commitments. Establishing clear boundaries allows couples to navigate decisions within a shared framework. Lastly, discussing fears and concerns helps create a supportive and understanding environment where both partners feel heard and validated.
Advice for Career Couples
Don't overlook your partner's role in your career journey. Treat them as a main protagonist rather than a footnote. Recognize their importance as a constant in your life and involve them in discussions, seek their advice, and cherish their support. Remember that they are often the ones who will be with you throughout your entire career, even when other relationships and circumstances change.
This week Sarah interviews Jennifer Petriglieri, an Associate Professor at INSEAD and author of 'Couples that Work – how dual-career couples can thrive in love and work.' Jennifer has spent five years researching ‘dual career couples’ from over thirty countries from executives to entrepreneurs, from couples at the beginning of their careers to dual career grandparents.
They discuss what ‘dual career couples are’ and explore the three significant transitions couples experience. Together they delve into the key question for couples to ask at each transition: 1) ‘How can we make this work? 2) What do we really want? 3) Who are we now? Jennifer shares practical ideas and actions that couples can take to navigate each transition successfully as well as what traps to look out for along the way. Finally, Sarah discusses the idea of couple contracting with Jennifer; who explains why we all need to talk to our partners about our values boundaries and fears regardless of what life-stage we are at.
