It's Been a Minute The embarrassing truth of dating men
Dec 19, 2025
Hazel Sills, NPR Music editor and cultural commentator, explores the rise of heteropessimism in modern pop music. She highlights how artists like Sabrina Carpenter and Summer Walker reflect the weariness of dating men through catchy tunes. While contrasting these themes with 90s girl power, she discusses the emotional labor women face in relationships. Hazel notes that today’s songs boldly demand change, signaling a cultural shift. Dive into the evolving conversation around love and expectations in contemporary dating!
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Heteropessimism As A Cultural Term
- Heteropessimism names the fatigue and embarrassment many straight women feel about heterosexual relationships right now.
- The term was coined by Asa Seresin in 2019 and captures a growing cultural sentiment reflected in pop music.
Pop Music Shifts Toward Relationship Inequity
- Today's pop songs about men differ from 90s 'girl power' hits by focusing on inequality and emotional labor in relationships.
- Women now foreground demands for equitable labor and boundaries rather than only issuing breakup or revenge anthems.
90s R&B As A Reference Point
- Hazel Sills compares current songs to 90s/early-2000s R&B hits like 'Say My Name' and 'No Scrubs' to show continuity.
- She uses that era as a reference point for how women have long expressed frustration with men in music.