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Actualized.org - Self-Help, Psychology, Consciousness, Spirituality, Philosophy
How To Get Laid - Part 3
Nov 26, 2021
02:58:54
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Quick takeaways
- To attract higher quality people in relationships, provide genuine value instead of faking it.
- Improving physical fitness, confidence, and addressing psychological baggage are crucial for attracting and retaining high-quality partners.
- Attraction is often counterintuitive; being a confident, playful jerk can attract more attention than being overly nice.
- Recognizing hook point, through shifts in attention, touch receptivity, and active engagement, allows for deeper connections in successful attraction.
- Approaching women in social circles requires a more indirect and chill approach compared to chaotic and anonymous settings.
- Being congruent and authentic in communication, adjusting your game to match your mood, is key to genuinely connect with women.
Deep dives
The Importance of Providing True Value
To attract higher quality people in relationships, it is essential to provide genuine value instead of faking it. Faking value might hook people initially, but it won't lead to long-term retention. The key is to become a massive value provider in all aspects of life - not just in dating and attraction - by bringing more to the table than what is expected in return. This approach sets the stage for an abundant life and fosters deeper connections.
Developing a Well-Rounded Personal Growth Strategy
Attracting and retaining high-quality partners involves more than just verbal skills and pickup techniques. It requires a long-term commitment to personal growth and development. This includes improving physical fitness, developing confidence and self-esteem, addressing psychological baggage, and growing in areas such as finances, fashion, and lifestyle. By presenting a well-rounded and valuable life, one can attract partners who want to join in personal and mutual growth.
The Counterintuitive Nature of Attraction
Attraction is often counterintuitive, and what people think will attract others is often the opposite of what actually works. Being overly nice, bragging about material possessions, or being too eager can be turn-offs. Instead, being a confident, playful jerk can often attract more attention. The key is to understand that attraction is an emotional and instinctive process, not a logical one. By embracing this counterintuitive nature of attraction, one can adjust their approaches and behaviors accordingly.
The Importance of Hook Point and Recognizing Attraction
Hook Point refers to the moment when a person can tell that someone is attracted to them. Recognizing hook point is crucial, as it signifies the chemistry between two individuals. Signs of hook point include shifts in attention towards the person, physical touch receptivity, active engagement in conversation, inquiries into personal details, laughter, and compliance with physical movement. Hook point allows for deeper connections and further escalation in the interaction, making it a critical aspect of successful attraction.
Approach and engage with women in a social circle
When interacting with women who are part of a social circle, it is important to adopt a more indirect and chill approach. In this environment, simply grabbing and making out with girls like in a more chaotic and anonymous setting is not effective. It's crucial to be aware of the different expectations and dynamics when approaching women during the day compared to at night.
Develop social calibration through practice
Becoming socially calibrated is key to successful interactions with women. This is achieved through repeated exposure and practice in various social environments. Similar to training a neural network, going out regularly and learning from both failures and successes helps fine-tune the abilities to attract and handle objections, fears, and concerns of the opposite sex.
Emphasize congruence in your interactions
Being congruent and authentic in your communication is vital. Your words, actions, and emotions should align with your personality and current mood. Trying to act a specific way or repeating lines that worked previously can come off as insincere. Adjusting your game to match your mood, whether it's low energy or high energy, is key to connecting genuinely with women.
Focus on enjoying the process and having fun
The journey of attracting women should be enjoyable and fun. It is essential to maintain a positive mindset and not take yourself too seriously. Having a lighthearted and playful approach, while embracing rejection as a learning opportunity, allows for personal growth and increased confidence.
The importance of balance in dating and relationships
It is important to find a balance between being experienced in dating and relationships, but not being too inexperienced. Being too experienced can make one selfish and immature, while being too inexperienced can result in settling for something less than ideal. It is crucial to learn how to navigate dating without relying on scripted routines and memorized lines. Instead, focus on building a state of fun and spontaneity, approaching people, and embracing the improvisational nature of conversations.
Tips for avoiding running out of things to say
Observational skills play a key role in avoiding running out of things to say during conversations. Making simple observations about the person's appearance, surroundings, or common experiences can serve as effective conversation starters. Making dumb assumptions about the person or engaging in lighthearted banter can also help keep the conversation flowing. Additionally, staying aware of pop culture and current events can provide topics to discuss. Talking about oneself, future plans, and dreams can also be an engaging way to keep a conversation going.
Ethical considerations in dating and pickup
It is important to approach dating and pickup ethically and with respect for others. This includes not misleading or coercing women into sex, not taking advantage of emotionally vulnerable or intoxicated individuals, and avoiding lying, manipulation, and inauthenticity. Treating women with kindness, respect, and empathy is crucial. It is essential to avoid bragging about conquests, revenge porn, breaking hearts, cheating, and other unethical practices. Developing introspection and working on personal traumas, fear of intimacy, and commitment issues can lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
Final tips for success in dating and pickup
Practical tips for success in dating include using protection, maintaining a clean and inviting living space, developing personal style, and engaging in interesting activities to build an appealing lifestyle. It is also important to focus on the quality rather than the quantity of approaches, reflecting on the effectiveness of approaches and making necessary adjustments. Testing different strategies and adapting to individual circumstances is crucial. Lastly, taking action is key, while maintaining a positive and proactive mindset throughout the journey.
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