Esther Calling - Four Affairs, Four Divorces. Why Do I Keep Doing This?
Jun 17, 2024
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Esther, with four affairs and divorces, seeks to uncover why she struggles in relationships. The podcast delves into trust issues, seeking unconditional love, self-worth struggles, emotional turmoil, and the impact of past experiences on current patterns. It explores themes of escapism, loneliness, communication, and breaking free from harmful cycles in relationships.
51:59
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Quick takeaways
The speaker uses affairs as escape routes from marriages, seeking empowerment and emotional support.
Childhood trauma influences relationship patterns, highlighting struggles with love and lack of role models.
Deep dives
The Cycle of Failed Relationships
The speaker reflects on her four divorces and recurring relationship patterns. Despite longing for a stable partnership, her marriages ended due to infidelity and abuse. Each marriage involved betrayal, leading to divorce. Even in her current affair, fear of repeating past patterns causes doubts about committing to a serious relationship.
Exploring Past Relationship Dynamics
The speaker delves into her childhood, marked by her mother's illness and a restrictive upbringing. Escaping at 18, she sought freedom, navigating relationships seeking love and avoiding previous trauma. The podcast traces her history of seeking love while struggling with restrictions and a lack of role models for healthy relationships.
Using Affairs as Escape Strategies
The speaker discusses how she used affairs as exit strategies from marriages. She describes the affair as a means of empowerment during transition periods, providing emotional support. In her current relationship, she questions if she will revert to familiar patterns once external obstacles are removed, highlighting the reliance on escapism.
Emotional Legacy and Self-Understanding
The podcast explores the speaker's emotional responses, rooted in childhood experiences and unresolved traumas. She confronts disappointments, self-protection, and lack of communication in relationships. The conversation delves into addressing deep-seated emotions, seeking self-awareness, and striving for healthier relational patterns.
Four affairs and four divorces later, she is searching for answers as to why she can’t stop leaving in such an abrupt way. Despite longing for a life partner, she questions her ability to maintain a healthy and stable relationship. Esther seeks to uncover the root of these issues and help her forge a new path forward as she embarks on what she hopes is her final relationship.
Esther Callings are a one-time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com.
Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter