The Seen and the Unseen - hosted by Amit Varma
Ep 354: Figuring Out Motherhood
Episode guests
Podcast summary created with Snipd AI
Quick takeaways
- Motherhood is a transformative experience that challenges preconceived notions and societal expectations.
- Motherhood can bring about a conflict between instinct and reason when it comes to personal identity.
- The episode examines the impact of motherhood on the dynamics of a romantic partnership.
- The podcast raises questions about cultural change and the potential for shifts in societal attitudes and norms regarding motherhood.
- The podcast explores the importance of challenging gender roles in parenting.
- The episode emphasizes the need for self-reflection and self-care in motherhood.
Deep dives
Shifting Perspectives on Motherhood
Motherhood is a transformative experience that challenges preconceived notions and societal expectations. The podcast episode explores the notion that motherhood is a unique and sometimes isolating journey that men cannot fully comprehend. The speaker recognizes that motherhood is a complex role that requires immense dedication, self-discovery, and sacrifices. It delves into the expectations placed on women as mothers, the difficulties of balancing different aspects of their lives, and the guilt and shame associated with motherhood. The conversation highlights the importance of openness, understanding, and support in navigating the challenges of being a mother.
The Struggle for Selfhood in Motherhood
Motherhood can bring about a conflict between instinct and reason when it comes to personal identity. The podcast discusses the societal pressure on women to regain their pre-baby bodies and the challenges of reconciling the desire for self-expression with the demands of motherhood. The episode emphasizes the need for women to love and accept their bodies, celebrating the strength and accomplishments they have achieved through pregnancy and childbirth. It encourages women to challenge societal expectations and recognize the value of their experiences beyond physical appearance.
The Shift in Partner Dynamics
The episode examines the impact of motherhood on the dynamics of a romantic partnership. It acknowledges the significant shift in roles and expectations when a couple becomes parents. The speakers express the need for open communication, intentional conversations, and support between partners during this transformative period. They also highlight the importance of community and collective understanding, fostering conversations among fathers to create a shared experience and redefine traditional gender roles.
Triggering Cultural Change
The podcast raises questions about cultural change and the potential for shifts in societal attitudes and norms regarding motherhood. The speakers explore the possibility of turning a current cycle of inequality and judgment into a virtuous cycle of support, active involvement, and admiration towards involved fathers. They reflect on personal experiences where an involved father has challenged traditional gender roles and inspired positive changes within themselves and their families. The episode concludes with an optimistic outlook for continued change and the importance of inclusive conversations and shared experiences.
Recognizing the Need for Change in Fatherhood Perception
The podcast episode discusses how societal perceptions of fatherhood are changing, with more men being encouraged to be involved and present in their children's lives.
Challenging Gender Roles in Parenting
The podcast explores the importance of challenging gender roles in parenting, encouraging men to be more than just providers and women to embrace their own identities outside of motherhood.
The Power of Self-Reflection and Self-Care
The episode emphasizes the need for self-reflection and self-care in motherhood, highlighting the importance of being kind to oneself and prioritizing personal well-being.
Building a Supportive Community
The podcast episode underscores the significance of building a supportive community of like-minded individuals who understand and can relate to the challenges of motherhood, allowing for shared experiences and validation.
The Challenges of Parenting and Schooling
Parenting and schooling bring about a unique set of challenges, as discussed in this podcast episode. The speaker reflects on the struggle of balancing parenthood with personal goals and desires. They emphasize the importance of accepting children for who they are and encouraging them to create their own life stories, rather than succumbing to societal pressure. The episode also touches upon the flaws in the conventional school system and the need for top-down reform, particularly in teacher training. The idea of learning beyond the classroom is explored, highlighting the value of experiences and unconventional sources like music lyrics in fostering education. Overall, the conversation highlights the complexities of parenting and schooling and emphasizes the importance of creating supportive communities.
The Need for Paradigm Shift in Education
The podcast delves into the need for a paradigm shift in the education system. The speaker argues that the current school system, designed for the industrial revolution, fails to cater to individual needs and interests. They assert that the schooling experience often puts unnecessary pressure on students and results in restricted learning. The episode discusses the importance of bottom-up demand for change in education, highlighting the significance of parents and educators joining forces to drive reform. The role of early childhood education and the potential for innovative, child-centered approaches are also explored. Overall, the episode advocates for a shift towards personalized, experiential, and empathetic education.
The Journey of Parenthood and Learning
The podcast episode delves into the personal journeys of parenthood and learning. The speakers reflect on the challenges and joys of raising children, emphasizing the importance of fostering a supportive and accepting environment. They discuss the impact of societal expectations and highlight the need for individual self-discovery and learning beyond the confines of the school system. The episode acknowledges the difficulties of finding a balance between work, personal growth, and parenting responsibilities. The speakers express the desire to live a life of rest, leisure, and slowness, focusing on self-care and nurturing one's own interests and well-being. In conclusion, the episode offers insights into the transformative and ongoing journey of parenthood and personal growth.
Motherhood is a terrifying condition that changes a woman's life forever. Forget coping with it -- how do you even understand it? Priya Mathews and Gunjan Grover Gupta join Amit Varma in episode 354 of The Seen and the Unseen to discuss all they have learnt from being mothers, processing the experience, and their cult podcast, The Mommy Mix Tape. (FOR FULL LINKED SHOW NOTES, GO TO SEENUNSEEN.IN.) Also check out: 1. Priya Mathews and Gunjan Grover Gupta on Instagram.. 2. The Mommy Mix Tape -- The most awesome parenting podcast ever by Priya Mathews, Bakul Dua and Gunjan Grover Gupta. 3. The Mommy Mix Tape on Instagram. 4. A Life's Work -- Rachel Cusk. 5. Of Woman Born -- Adrienne Rich. 6. The Child, the Family, and the Outside World -- Donald Winnicott. 7. Select episodes on The Seen and the Unseen that touched on feminism & gender with Paromita Vohra (1, 2), Kavita Krishnan, Mrinal Pande, Kavitha Rao, Namita Bhandare, Shrayana Bhattacharya, Mukulika Banerjee, Manjima Bhattacharjya, Nilanjana Roy, Urvashi Butalia, Mahima Vashisht, Alice Evans, Ashwini Deshpande, Natasha Badhwar, Shanta Gokhale, Arshia Sattar, Rohini Nilekani and Shaili Chopra. 8. In a Silent Way — Episode 316 of The Seen and the Unseen (w Gaurav Chintamani). 9. Gaurav Chintamani on Instagram. 10. What Is It Like to Be a Bat? — Thomas Nagel. 11. Wanting — Luke Burgis. 12. Luke Burgis Sees the Deer at His Window — Episode 337 of The Seen and the Unseen. 13. René Girard on Amazon and Wikipedia. 14. Womaning in India With Mahima Vashisht — Episode 293 of The Seen and the Unseen. 15. Womaning in India — Mahima Vashisht’s newsletter. 16. Pallavi Aiyar Has Seen the World -- Episode 351 of The Seen and the Unseen. 17. Babies and Bylines — Pallavi Aiyar. 18. India = Migration — Episode 128 of The Seen and the Unseen (w Chinmay Tumbe). 19. India Moving — Chinmay Tumbe. 20. The Loneliness of the Indian Woman — Episode 259 of The Seen and the Unseen (w Shrayana Bhattacharya). 21. The Loneliness of the Indian Man — Episode 303 of The Seen and the Unseen (w Nikhil Taneja). 22. Murali Neelakantan Looks at the World — Episode 329 of The Seen and the Unseen. 23. The Nurture Assumption -- Judith Rich Harris. 24. This Be The Verse — Philip Larkin. 25. The Importance of the 1991 Reforms — Episode 237 of The Seen and the Unseen (w Shruti Rajagopalan and Ajay Shah). 26. Happiness Class: A Film by Samina Mishra. 27. Natasha Badhwar Lives the Examined Life — Episode 301 of The Seen and the Unseen. 28. Our Unlucky Children (2008) — Amit Varma. 29. Hold on to Your Kids -- Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté. 30. The Breeders on Disney Hotstar. 31. My Daughter's Mum -- Natasha Badhwar. 32. I Will -- The Beatles. 33. All You Need is Love -- Shelja Sen. 34. The Whole-Brain Child -- Daniel J Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson. 32. Frances Ha -- Noah Baumbach. 33. The Lost Daughter -- Maggie Gyllenhaal. 34. How to Apologize -- David LaRochelle & Mike Wohnoutka. 35. I Talk Like a River -- Jordan Scott & Sydney Smith. 36. Cry, Heart, But Never Break -- Glenn Ringtved & Charlotte Pardi. 37. A Stone For Sascha -- Aaron Becker. 38. Journey -- Aaron Becker. 39. How War Changed Rondo -- Romana Romanyshyn & Andriy Lesiv. 40. The Wanderer -- Peter Van den Ende. 41. Cicada -- Shaun Tan. 42. The Arrival -- Shaun Tan. Amit Varma and Ajay Shah have launched a new video podcast. Check out Everything is Everything on YouTube. Check out Amit’s online course, The Art of Clear Writing. And subscribe to The India Uncut Newsletter. It’s free! Episode art: ‘Mother Looking Out, Looking In’ by Simahina.
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