Guest Leif, who was supposed to ask out Kalila in junior high but never did, discusses their past interactions and the unresolved question of why he never asked her out. They delve into their memories, reflections on activism, and unravel the mystery of Leif's illness. The chapter also explores the narrator's feelings of inadequacy, reflections on past dating experiences, and search for self-validation.
The podcast explores the impact of timing and external circumstances on romantic relationships.
The podcast highlights the importance of challenging negative self-perception and beliefs in finding closure and understanding.
Deep dives
The Mystery of the Crush
Kaleela recalls her junior high crush, Lafe, who mysteriously disappeared from her life. She vividly remembers the details of their interactions and wonders why Lafe never asked her out on Valentine's Day. As she reconnects with old friends and even talks to Lafe himself, she discovers possible reasons for their missed connection, such as Lafe's health issues and their different perspectives on their relationship.
The Role of Timing and Circumstances
Kaleela explores the influence of timing and circumstances on romantic relationships. She reflects on her own journey, feeling inadequate and behind in the dating scene. Through her conversations with Lafe and friends, she realizes that external factors, such as health issues and personal insecurities, can shape the course of relationships and affect how people perceive each other.
The Importance of Self-Perception
Kaleela delves into her self-perception and how it influences her romantic experiences. She questions whether there is something inherently wrong with her or if her insecurities are unfounded. Through her discussions, she begins to challenge her negative beliefs and consider the possibility that her worthiness of love is not defined solely by her past experiences or her perceived flaws.
Gaining Clarity and Finding Closure
Kaleela seeks closure and understanding by reconnecting with her crush and exploring their shared memories. In her conversations with Lafe and his former crush, she gains a new perspective and learns that her assumptions about their feelings were not entirely accurate. Through this process, she gains clarity about her past experiences and finds a sense of closure.
On Valentine’s Day in junior high, Leif was supposed to ask Kalila out. But he never did. Seventeen years later, Kalila wants to know why.
Credits
This episode was hosted and produced by senior producer Kalila Holt, along with Jonathan Goldstein and Phoebe Flanigan. The supervising producer is Stevie Lane.
Production assistance from Mohini Madgavkar. Editorial guidance from Emily Condon.
Special thanks to Max Green, Flora Lichtman, and Connor Sampson.
In the IM recreation, Karina was played by Reagan Didier, and Leif was played by John Claassen—thanks to Greg Holt and Tony John for making that possible.
The show was mixed by Bobby Lord.
Music by Christine Fellows, John K Samson, Blue Dot Sessions, Katie Mullins, Florian Le Prisé, and Bobby Lord. Our theme song is by The Weakerthans courtesy of Epitaph Records.