119: How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty (It Starts With Your Impulses)

Ask Kelly your burning questions in her monthly Vital Life Project membership.

You’ve been gaslit into distrusting your own impulses—here’s how to take them back.



In this episode, Kelly dives deep into one of the most powerful yet overlooked skills in personal growth: reclaiming your native desires. She unpacks a brilliant question from her Vital Life Project community—what’s the difference between discernment and judgment?—and uses it to expose the subtle ways we self-domesticate, override our needs, and live out of “shoulds” instead of self-trust.

Through intimate personal stories (yes, including peeing mid-interview and belting into the void with a vocal coach), Kelly reveals how she’s rebuilt a relationship with her own body, voice, and creative fire—not by changing who she is, but by expanding her awareness and nervous system capacity to hold discomfort. If you’ve ever felt caught between the urge to grow and the desire to be accepted as you are, this episode is your permission slip to do both. Expect provocative insights, radical reframes, and one audacious answer you won’t forget.

You’ll Learn:

• How honoring small body signals rebuilds self-trust and nervous system regulation
• Why the impulse to “pee immediately” can become a radical self-reclamation practice
• How to distinguish true discernment from fear-based judgment in relationships
• What the transition from “I should” to “I want” reveals about intrinsic motivation
• Why indulging so-called “bad” impulses can heal childhood conditioning
• How nervous system capacity—not mindset—determines your ability to change
• What vocal expression teaches about stored shame and creative liberation
• Why seeking support isn’t about answers but about safe containers for expansion
• How the desire to self-improve can mask deeper self-rejection
• Why awareness—not transformation—is the real metric of personal evolution

Timestamps:

[00:00] Introduction

[00:38] The difference between discernment and judgment

[01:22] When it might be time to pause with a coach

[02:00] How structure and discipline build capacity

[02:45] Why rituals help reclaim personal choice

[03:30] Transitioning from “I should” to “I want”

[04:10] Honoring impulses as a path to healing

[05:00] Restoring trust in cravings like dark chocolate

[05:55] Biological impulses and meeting basic needs

[06:50] Peeing as a practice of self-trust

[07:30] The fear of creative self-expression

[08:15] What awareness really means

[09:05] Singing in front of a stranger despite fear

[10:00] How awareness builds nervous system capacity

[10:45] The trap of self-improvement driven by rejection

[11:35] Reclaiming childhood desires as valid

[12:10] Real growth comes from self-acceptance

[12:55] Why change isn’t the real goal

[13:30] Romantic relationships and the illusion of change

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Instagram: @kellybroganmd

Website: kellybroganmd.com

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