A Radical Strategy for Dealing With Difficult People | Father Gregory Boyle
Nov 20, 2023
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Father Gregory Boyle, the founder of Homeboy Industries, discusses the beginnings of the organization, working with stress, setting boundaries, catching ourselves before demonizing others, and his expansive notion of God.
Love and compassion can transform difficult people and communities, and everyone deserves to be cherished and seen for their unshakeable goodness.
Putting death in its place means acknowledging grief but not being toppled by it, and finding joy in discovering one's true self through love.
By bridging the distance and approaching others with love and compassion, we can move beyond hatred and division, creating a space where systems can change when people are cherished.
Deep dives
The importance of loving people unconditionally
Father Gregory Boyle's work with gang members in Los Angeles has taught him the significance of loving people unconditionally, no matter how obnoxious or unacceptable their behavior. He founded Homeboy Industries, the largest gang intervention and rehabilitation program in the world, where he helps individuals find healing and belonging. The idea is that love is the key to transforming lives and communities, and that everyone deserves to be cherished and seen for their unshakeable goodness.
Putting death in its place and finding joy
Father Boyle shares the importance of putting death in its place as part of a person's practice. Acknowledging grief and allowing space for it, but not being toppled by it. He emphasizes the power of discovering one's true self in loving and finding joy in that realization. Father Boyle believes that love is more powerful than death and that recognizing our common dignity and nobility can bring about internal freedom and resilience.
Creating a bridge between us and them
Father Boyle encourages us to catch ourselves when we tend to demonize others or create a divisive 'us versus them' mentality. He believes in the importance of cherishing every person, recognizing that everyone belongs to the same community and that everybody is unshakably good. By bridging the distance and approaching others with love and compassion, we can move beyond hatred and division, creating a space where systems can change when people change and where people change when they are cherished.
The Power of Unconditional Love and Cherishing Others
The podcast discusses the idea of loving and cherishing others unconditionally, without judgment or conditions. It emphasizes the importance of finding joy in helping others and being well, rather than focusing on hate or morality. The speaker shares examples of individuals who have experienced transformation through being cherished and how it can alter brain chemistry. The power of tenderness, forgiveness and offering second chances are highlighted, along with the significance of creating an environment where individuals are seen, loved and accepted.
Embracing No Matter Whatness and Letting Go of Outcomes
The podcast explores the concept of 'no matter whatness' and its role in fostering transformation and healing. It emphasizes the value of embracing individuals unconditionally, even in the face of their mistakes or challenges. The speaker discusses the importance of not focusing on outcomes or success, but rather on being faithful to a love that never stops loving. The podcast highlights the power of tenderness, cherishing each moment, and softening people into a space where they are free to be their true selves. It concludes by expressing optimism that the world can change through love, tenderness, and a commitment to cherishing others.
We deal with difficult people over holiday meals, at work, and online. This guest says there is only one answer.
Father Gregory Boyle is an American Jesuit priest and the founder of Homeboy Industries in Los Angeles, the largest gang-intervention, rehabilitation, and reentry program in the world. He has received the California Peace Prize and been inducted into the California Hall of Fame. In 2014, the White House named Boyle a Champion of Change. He received the University of Notre Dame’s 2017 Laetare Medal, the oldest honor given to American Catholics. He is the author of The Whole Language, Tattoos on the Heart, and Barking to the Choir.
In this episode we talk about:
How Homeboy Industries began 34 years ago
Boyle’s practices for working with stress
What he means when he says you have to put death in its place
Motivating people through joy rather than admonition
How to catch ourselves when we’re about to demonize or be judgmental
How to set boundaries
How to dole out consequences without closing the doors to anybody
And, Father Boyle’s expansive and inclusive notion of God