Discover the art of 'the pause' in parenting, inspired by French techniques. Learn why it's sometimes better to hold back instead of rushing in when your child cries or falls. This approach encourages kids to navigate their own emotions and experiences, fostering independence. Explore how pausing can also improve interactions with your partner and teenagers, allowing for more thoughtful responses. Ultimately, embracing patience can lead to a deeper understanding and connection in family life.
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Practice the Pause
Practice "the pause" in parenting.
Respond thoughtfully instead of reacting immediately to your children's actions or words.
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Pause When Child Falls
When your child falls, pause before rushing over.
Let them assess their own injury and decide if they need comfort.
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Encourage Language Development
Pause and let your daughter struggle to find her words.
This helps them develop their language skills independently.
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One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting
Pamela Druckerman
In 'Bringing Up Bébé', Pamela Druckerman, an American journalist living in Paris, investigates the French approach to parenting. She observes that French children often sleep through the night by two or three months old, eat well-rounded meals, and play independently while their parents relax. The book highlights key differences in parenting styles, such as French parents' ability to establish boundaries, prioritize their own needs, and maintain a calm authority over their children. Druckerman's research, conducted over three years, offers practical insights and cultural observations that have sparked a national debate on parenting.
In her famous and controversial book Bringing Up Bébé, the author Pamela Druckerman talks about Le Pause—The Pause—as the secret to French parenting, and their sleep-trained infants. Basically, instead of rushing in as soon as their kids start to cry, French parents pause. They wait a few minutes, understanding that newborns often cry between sleep cycles, and that if you disrupt them (even to comfort them) you are actually preventing them from learning how to sleep.
Sleep training is a polarizing and controversial topic among parents, so let’s not even go there. Instead, let’s take a minute to consider that le pause can actually be a great strategy for dads in all facets of their kids life.
When you son trips and falls, do you need to rush over as if it was a life or death emergency? Or can you pause, and let him figure out how hurt he is first, whether he wants or needs to cry?
When your daughter comes over and starts to tell you something, do you have to try to help her explain what she is saying? Or can you pause and let her struggle with the words, and learn how to say it on her own?
When your teenager explains why they want to quit the track team, why start arguing right away? Can you pause and let them propose what they want to do instead?
When your wife messes up or scratches the car or is rude, what if you didn’t get upset? Can you pause and consider all the things on her plate? And how it almost certainly wasn’t intentional?
If one of your kids calls to tell you that they are gay or getting a divorce or are in some kind of trouble, do you need to say anything at all right away? Or can you pause? Can you suspend judgement and just listen? And just be there?
The Daily Dad 