Relationship Advice The First Pillar of A Secure Relationship (Window of Tolerance)
Jan 5, 2026
Discover why one partner feels the urge to talk while the other shuts down. The hosts delve into how different nervous system thresholds affect communication in relationships. Get insights on recognizing your emotional cues and effective strategies for taking breaks during conflicts. Learn about unique dysregulation styles and the importance of safety and empathy. They share metaphors to enhance understanding and offer proactive techniques to expand your window of tolerance, fostering deeper connections.
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Window Explains Opposite Fight/Freeze Responses
- The window of tolerance explains why one partner wants to keep talking while the other shuts down or speeds up.
- Different nervous system thresholds mean both partners can be dysregulated in opposite ways during conflict.
Origins: Siegel And Polyvagal Theory
- The term "window of tolerance" was coined by Dan Siegel and taught in EMDR training contexts.
- Polyvagal theory by Stephen Porges explains survival responses layered onto this window concept.
Different Dysregulation Looks Opposite
- Going outside your window can look like opposing behaviors: angry escalation or blank shutdown.
- Both escalation and withdrawal are signs that each partner has exceeded their nervous system threshold.