How to Escape the Tyranny of the ‘Shoulds’

Nov 27, 2023

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Do you find yourself trapped by the expectations and pressures of what you think you “should” be doing? Is there a voice in your head, berating you for not living up to their standards? If so, you might be experiencing the tyranny of the shoulds.

You’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed or uncertain. But it turns out that hearing others' stories can help you realise that your struggles are common. Also, if you rely on others for feedback it’s important to know whom to ask and when, so you don’t end up with an over-eager cheerleader or someone who’ll burst your bubble before its time.

In this episode, Charlotte Housden discusses her research on successfully navigating change and how we can escape that nagging, finger-wagging presence we all have from time to time.

That voice of doubt and fear can trap us in a cycle of unhappiness and unfulfilment. It might mean we miss out on opportunities for growth, personal development, and finding true satisfaction in our lives and careers. But by remembering that you are not your thoughts, you can start to free yourself from the tyranny of the shoulds.

Listen to this episode to

Gain insights from interviews with 108 people in 27 countries on successfully navigating change in life.
Understand the importance of hearing others' stories, and how it can make you feel less alone.
Get the resources you nee to facilitate and sustain change.

Episode highlights

[00:06:50] The importance of knowing you're not alone
[00:09:27] Stories and consequences of change
[00:11:14] How to give feedback
[00:17:15] Delaying gratification on a new project
[00:18:59] What to do when you feel you need to change everything at once
[00:23:46] Job crafting
[00:25:51] The shift in the psychological contract
[00:29:10] The tyranny of the shoulds
[00:33:39] Midroll
[00:36:12] The three musts
[00:37:39] You are the sky. Everything else is just the weather
[00:40:32] You are not your thoughts
[00:43:42] What most medical students aren't taught about their own thoughts
[00:47:51] What doctors need to make it to the top
[00:50:11] The key to greater productivity
[00:52:50] Charlotte's top tips

About the guest

Charlotte is a chartered coaching psychologist helping individuals to navigate their organisations and careers. She has interviewed 108 people in 27 countries identifying how they successfully navigate change and is the author of Swim Jump Fly: A Guide to Changing Your Life.

LinkedIn | Website

Resources

THRIVE Weekly Planner
What Happens When We’re Really Listened to – Episode 180, with Tom Dillon
How to Avoid Becoming the Second Victim – Episode 92, with Dr Caraline Wright & Dr Lizzie Sweeting
Job Crafting for Happiness – Episode 144, with Kirsten Armit, Dr Colin Lindsay, and Dr Daljit Hothi
Swim Jump Fly: A Guide to Changing Your Life – Charlotte’s book
Charlotte’s Tyranny of the Shoulds podcast
The Happiness Trap: Stop Struggling, Start Living, by Russ Harris
Download the episode’s workbook and CPD form. You can use them for reflection and to submit for your appraisal.

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