5 Signs You’re a People-Pleaser | FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
May 9, 2025
Explore the telltale signs of being a people-pleaser, including the struggle of saying yes when you really want to say no. Discover how avoiding conflict can chip away at your authenticity and leave you feeling responsible for others' emotions. The discussion delves into the dangers of tying self-worth to external praise and the burnout that often follows. With practical tips and candid insights, listeners are encouraged to set boundaries and prioritize self-care for a more fulfilling life.
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Giving Tree Story as a Metaphor
Ryan Michler tells the story of the Giving Tree to illustrate how people pleasers give everything until they are depleted.
The tree's self-sacrifice ended in loss, symbolizing the danger of neglecting oneself to please others.
insights INSIGHT
People-Pleasing Undermines Sovereignty
People-pleasing is a trap where men overly focus on serving others at the expense of themselves.
Being a people pleaser undermines personal sovereignty despite intentions to lead and protect.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Say No With Honesty
To break the cycle of people-pleasing, practice saying no honestly and tactfully instead of immediate yes.
Giving yourself space to consider requests helps determine if you should agree or decline.
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A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life
Robert Glover
In 'No More Mr. Nice Guy', Dr. Robert Glover provides a roadmap for men to break free from the thought patterns and behaviors associated with 'Nice Guy Syndrome'. The book helps men understand how their childhood experiences and societal pressures can lead to chronic people-pleasing, passive-aggression, and dishonesty. Glover offers practical advice and exercises to help men reclaim their personal power, set boundaries, handle conflict, and develop satisfying relationships. The book emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance, authenticity, and prioritizing one's own needs to achieve success in various aspects of life.
The five love languages
singles edition
Gary Chapman
In this book, Dr. Gary Chapman outlines five general ways that romantic partners express and experience love, which he calls 'love languages'. By learning these languages, individuals can discover their unique love languages and those of their loved ones, leading to deeper and richer levels of intimacy. The book includes practical steps and a love language assessment to help strengthen relationships. It emphasizes that people tend to give love in the way they prefer to receive it, and understanding these differences can improve communication and relationship satisfaction.
The Giving Tree
Shel Silverstein
The Giving Tree is a children's picture book that follows the relationship between an apple tree and a boy from childhood to old age. The tree selflessly provides for the boy's needs at each stage of his life, from apples and branches to a trunk for a boat. Despite the boy's increasing demands and eventual neglect, the tree continues to give, highlighting themes of unconditional love, selflessness, and the consequences of human actions on nature. The book is a powerful metaphor for life, love, and the importance of appreciating and respecting the gifts of nature and relationships.
In this poignant episode of Friday Field Notes, Ryan Michler delves into the pitfalls of people-pleasing, drawing from personal reflection. He identifies five critical signs—saying yes when you mean no, avoiding conflict, feeling responsible for others’ emotions, tying self-worth to praise, and feeling burned out or resentful.
Michler shares candid insights, referencing No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover and Let Them by Mel Robbins, offering practical anecdotes to break the cycle. Through raw honesty, he encourages listeners to set boundaries and prioritize self-care to become their authentic selves.
SHOW HIGHLIGHTS
00:19 - Introduction to People-Pleasing 04:53 - Recommended Resources 07:21 - Sign 1: Saying Yes When You Should Say No 09:49 - Sign 2: Avoiding Conflict at All Costs 13:25 - Sign 3: Feeling Responsible for Others’ Feelings 18:53 - Sign 4: Struggling with Self-Worth Without Praise 28:04 - Sign 5: Feeling Burned Out, Resentful, and Unseen 34:50 - Actionable Steps and Closing Thoughts
Order of Man 
