The Leverage of the Dependent: Understanding Emotional Dependence and its Impact on Leadership

Emotional dependence is the reliance on others for emotional support, comfort, and nurturance. When this dependence becomes excessive, it creates problems. Dependent individuals struggle to take responsibility for themselves and rely on others to meet their emotional needs. They often prioritize connection and togetherness over self-definition, blaming others for their own issues. Leaders in relationship with dependents face a dilemma: adapt to please the dependents and give up their own goals, or engage in a conflict of wills, trying to change the dependent's perspective. In both cases, the dependent has the leverage. This leverage can be shifted by the leader's self-differentiation, which involves remaining focused on their own goals, self-defining, and staying emotionally connected. This shift places the leader as the resistant party and allows the dependent the choice to either follow and take responsibility for themselves or disconnect altogether.