Facing Estrangement? Ask Yourself These Questions

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Oct 1, 2024

The struggle of family estrangement is explored in depth. Emotional challenges and motivations behind cutting ties are dissected. Self-awareness and a collectivist approach can aid healing. Key questions are proposed to foster understanding for both the estranger and the estranged. The importance of intergenerational contexts in shaping relationships is emphasized, encouraging listeners to reflect on their own experiences. This conversation aims to offer tools for compassionate dialogue and the potential for reconnection after a painful separation.

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Navigating Family Estrangement: Understanding Dynamics and Seeking Clarity

00:00 • 26min

Navigating Familial Estrangement and Connection

25:32 • 47min

The decision to cut off a family member is a difficult one. Estrangement is an attempt to solve a painful, systemic relationship problem. This monumental move should be deeply considered, and my collectivist approach to therapy encourages being curious about and striving to understand how the different contexts our family members—epsecially those with a generational divide—grew up and live within can impact how we show up in our relationships. Without, of course, ever dismissing the very real trauma that can precede an estrangement.

In this in-depth solo episode, I explore the dynamics of cut-offs, including what both the official research and my recent social media survey have to say. Then, I offer three relational self-awareness questions for folks on both sides of the estrangement experience: those considering cutting off a family member and those who are about to be or have been cut off.

These questions aim to support compassionate dialogue that increases both party’s chances of finding a solution. Whether you are the estranger or the estranged, it is my hope that this conversation will leave you with some tools and a perspective you may not have considered, one that takes each person’s lived experience into consideration and opens up the possibility of finding a middle ground between an unhealthy status quo and walking away.

Relevant Links:

Get your companion workbook - https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/cutoff
My talk on 1A: “When Loved Ones Become Strangers” - https://the1a.org/segments/when-loved-ones-become-strangers/
Reimagining Love Episode: “End or Mend: Managing Difficult Family Relationships with Nedra Tawwab” - https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/end-or-mend-managing-difficult-family-relationships-with-nedra-tawwab/
APA article: “Estrangement Is Never Easy or Straightforward. Psychologists Can Help” - https://www.apa.org/monitor/2024/04/healing-pain-estrangement
Vogue article: “Why So Many People (Myself Included) Are Experiencing Family Estrangement” - https://www.vogue.com/article/why-so-many-people-are-experiencing-family-estrangement
Aeon article: “Estrangement” - https://aeon.co/essays/modern-culture-blames-parents-for-forces-beyond-their-control
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