Episode 337: Understanding Women’s Sexual Desire (Essential Listen)
Oct 18, 2024
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Marta Meana, a Professor of Psychology at UNLV, is known for her work on female sexual desire and genital pain. In this engaging discussion, she unpacks the complexities of women's sexual desire, revealing that it is unique and influenced by societal and relational dynamics. The conversation touches on the challenges of maintaining passion in long-term relationships, the significance of being desired, and the role of erotic self-focus in enhancing women's sex lives. Prepare for a thought-provoking exploration of intimacy and the nuances of desire!
The complexity of women's sexual desire highlights the need for variety and novelty to maintain attraction in long-term relationships.
The importance of wanting to be wanted reflects how initial attraction and outside validation can sustain sexual desire and excitement.
Deep dives
The Complexity of Sexual Desire
Sexual desire is a critical and complex aspect of human sexuality that often lacks a universally accepted definition. Researchers and clinicians approach desire differently, with some viewing it as the driving force behind sexual behavior while others consider it a recognition of arousal. The podcast highlights how earlier models, like Masters and Johnson's, focused primarily on physiological responses and largely ignored the subjective nature of desire, leading to a narrow understanding. Furthermore, the conversation reveals that desire can vary significantly among individuals, especially among women, who may experience it in distinct and multifaceted ways.
Challenges in Long-Term Relationships
Long-term relationships often struggle with maintaining sexual desire, particularly for women, who may find that emotional intimacy can dampen sexual interest over time. Research discussed in the episode indicates that women can experience low desire even in happily supportive relationships, often attributing it to a lack of novelty and excitement. The narratives shared by women in studies pointed to a desire for novelty rather than merely valuing emotional connections. This insight challenges the stereotype that emotional security alone enhances sexual satisfaction and reveals the need for variety to rekindle desire.
The Role of Being Desired
The concept of wanting to be wanted is fundamental to understanding sexual desire and its dynamics in relationships. This idea reflects the thrill and excitement that often accompany romantic interactions, where initial attraction and desire can lead to a deeper intimacy. As relationships progress, the challenge lies in maintaining that desire, as partners often become too close and lose the primal excitement of being wanted. Exploring non-monogamous options and flirting outside of the primary relationship can reinvigorate feelings of desirability and passion, highlighting the importance of outside validation in sustaining sexual attraction.
Navigating Sexual Fantasies and Consent
Sexual fantasies, particularly themed around submission, present nuanced views on desire and the psychology behind them. These fantasies often communicate a profound desire to be desired, intertwining enthusiastic consent with elements of erotic excitement. The discussion reveals how fantasies of being desired can coexist with real-life expectations surrounding consent, shedding light on the complexity of sexual interactions. There is a delicate balance between acknowledging the need for affirmative consent while also allowing for the natural wildness and spontaneity that many desire in intimate moments.
Sexual desire is complex. Scientists can’t even agree on a definition of it, let alone whether and how it is distinct from arousal. In today’s show, we’re going to revisit one of my favorite conversations of all time on the show, which offers a deep dive into the science behind women’s sexual desire. Some of the topics we’ll discuss include how to treat problems with low desire, why monogamy is so hard on desire, as well as why wanting to be wanted is so vital to feeling desire.
My guest is Dr. Marta Meana, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. The author of numerous academic publications and two books, her research has focused on genital pain in women, as well as female sexual desire.
Some of the topics we explore include:
Diversity in how sexual desire is experienced.
Why long-term monogamy is hard on sexual desire for everyone, but especially for women.
Whether it’s possible to maintain both intense intimacy and intense passion at the same time.
Why women are more likely than men to see themselves as the object of desire in their fantasies.
How having more erotic self-focus can benefit women’s sex lives.
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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest
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