Rabbi Steve Leder, a bestselling author and a rabbi who has presided over a thousand funerals, discusses topics such as finding beauty in death, the importance of showing up for others in grief, honoring someone's memory while being truthful about their humanity, and the peace that comes from acknowledging life's dualities.
Using delicate and truthful language can provide comfort and understanding to those who are grieving.
Accepting the duality of life and embracing both beauty and suffering brings wisdom and peace.
Deep dives
The Power of Language and Showing Up for Others
Language and authenticity play a crucial role in supporting those who are grieving or experiencing complicated grief. Using delicate and truthful language can help provide comfort and understanding. It is essential to show up for others and be yourself, providing support in a way that aligns with your personality and strengths.
Embracing the Dualities of Life and Death
Life and death are dualities that cannot be reconciled, but accepting and embracing this duality is a form of resolution. Pain and suffering transform us in ways that cannot be easily forgotten, and the belief that life holds both beauty and suffering is a source of wisdom and peace.
The Importance of Memory and Truth in Grieving
Memory is a powerful tool in the grieving process, allowing us to travel back to moments before the pain and loss. However, memory is also a complex duality that simultaneously brings joy and hurts. Making peace with memory's dual nature brings reconciliation and understanding.
Supporting Others in Grief through Presence and Authenticity
Supporting someone in grief requires showing up and being authentic. By being present, listening, and engaging with the person's stories and memories, we can create meaningful connections and provide the comfort and affirmation they need.
How should you show up for people in grief? What do you say? What should you do? Why is it that beauty can exist alongside deep suffering? What can be said at funerals when the person who died was complicated? These are just a few of the questions I wanted to ask Steve Leder—a bestselling author and a rabbi who has presided over a thousand funerals with wisdom and kindness.
In this conversation, we discuss:
The mysterious way beauty can be found the closer we inch to death (our own or someone else’s).
The importance of just showing up. And being you.
Honoring someone’s memory at the same time being truthful about how human they were
The peace that comes from acknowledging that life is full of dualities
“If you have to go through hell, don’t come out empty handed” (Steve Leder), but no, the lessons were never, ever worth the pain
CW: suicide, adult language
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