Office Hours with Arthur Brooks How to Stop Caring What Others Think
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Jan 12, 2026 Discover why our fear of others’ opinions runs deep, stemming from evolution and social validation. Arthur Brooks reveals how social rejection can activate real pain in the brain. He shares practical techniques to care less about judgment, like reminding ourselves 'no one cares' and embracing our flaws. Learn how shifting from judgment to observation can liberate us from fear. Plus, insights on handling conflict and adapting routines for better emotional health are highlighted, making it a guide to living more freely.
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Why We Care: Shame And Social Data
- You care what others think mainly to avoid shame and because you use others' opinions as data to form your own self-view.
- Evolution wired us to seek social approval because rejection once meant death, so social judgment activates real pain systems.
Social Pain Is Real Brain Pain
- The dorsal anterior cingulate cortex processes social rejection like physical pain, making exclusion neurologically aversive.
- Modern social networks massively expand our ancestral approval circle, hyper-accelerating anxiety about judgment.
BIS vs BAS Explains Inaction
- The prefrontal cortex balances BIS (inhibit) and BAS (activate) to decide action.
- Excessive concern about others keeps BIS stuck on, preventing BAS from initiating goals and experiments.
