David Brooks, a long-time columnist for the New York Times and commentator on various news platforms, discusses his new book and topics such as upbringing in Greenwich Village, nationalism, encountering super woke people, and the challenge of interacting with suffering individuals.
Being an illuminator in conversations by showing genuine curiosity and asking questions fosters connection and understanding between individuals.
Navigating hard conversations with empathy and respect involves finding common ground, asking open-ended questions, and maintaining respect even in disagreements.
Deep dives
The importance of being an illuminator in conversations
In this podcast episode, the speaker discusses the significance of being an illuminator in conversations. They explain that an illuminator is someone who makes others feel seen and heard by being genuinely curious and asking questions. This approach fosters connection and understanding between individuals. The speaker emphasizes the importance of standing in the other person's standpoint and actively listening to their experiences, rather than just waiting to respond with personal anecdotes or imposing one's own opinions. By showing respect, curiosity, and empathy, one can create a more meaningful and illuminating conversation.
Navigating hard conversations with empathy
The podcast highlights strategies for navigating hard conversations with empathy and respect. The speaker recommends finding common ground and focusing on shared values, which can help create a sense of understanding and connection. They encourage asking open-ended questions and genuinely seeking to understand the other person's perspective. The speaker also suggests maintaining respect even in disagreements, acknowledging the emotions involved, and clarifying intentions to avoid misunderstandings. By actively engaging in empathetic discussions and seeking to find the disagreement under the disagreement, meaningful conversations can be fostered even in challenging circumstances.
Recognizing the sacredness of each person
The podcast delves into the concept of recognizing the sacredness and infinite dignity of each person. The speaker suggests that regardless of one's belief system, understanding the value and worth inherent in each individual is crucial. By treating others as living souls with respect and reverence, regardless of differences, one can foster more meaningful connections and interactions. The speaker emphasizes the importance of seeing others as individuals with unique stories and backgrounds, encouraging conversations that are anchored in a deep respect for each person's experiences and perspectives.
Engaging with compassion during times of suffering
The podcast also explores how to engage with compassion when encountering others who are suffering. The speaker highlights the significance of being present and acknowledging someone's pain or loss without overshadowing their experience with personal stories or downplaying their emotions. They recommend simply being there to listen and offering genuine empathy and support. The speaker encourages asking open-ended questions to allow the person to share their feelings and processing their grief or hardship. By offering compassion and creating a safe space for them to express their emotions, meaningful connections and support can be fostered even during difficult times.
David is a long-time columnist for the New York Times. He’s also a commentator on “PBS NewsHour,” NPR’s “All Things Considered” and NBC’s “Meet the Press.” Plus he teaches at Yale. His new book is How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.
You can listen to the episode right away in the audio player above (or on the right side of the player, click “Listen On” to add the Dishcast feed to your favorite podcast app). For two clips of our convo — on how to be a better friend to suffering loved ones, and how loneliness leads to authoritarianism — pop over to our YouTube page.
Other topics: his upbringing in Greenwich Village among intellectuals and gays; his beatnik Jewish parents; his father the NYU professor and his mother with a PhD from Columbia; “not the most emotionally intimate” family; how people shouldn’t separate thinking from emotions; the French Enlightenment; Jungian/Burkean conservatism; Hume; nationalism and King Charles III; Orwell’s “The Lion and the Unicorn”; Disraeli; conservatism and the current GOP as a nihilist cult; Isaiah Berlin; how you’re an “illuminator” or “diminisher” when meeting new people; how most don’t ask questions and instead broadcast themselves; Trump; how Trump supporters are “hard to hate up close”; Hamas and Israel; Hannah Arendt; how to encounter a super woke person; arguments as a form of respect; suppressing your ego for better conversations; Taylor Swift on narcissism; suicidal friends; the distortion of reality when depressed; the AIDS crisis and losing friends; marriage equality; one changing in midlife; Oakeshott; overprotective parents; the value of play; Gen Z’s low social trust; boys growing up with poor flirting skills; casual dating and ghosting; the historical amnesia and unhappiness of young gays; the tension between individualism and belonging; extroverts vs. introverts; how Jesus disarmed people; and the loving kindness of Buddhism.
Browse the Dishcast archive for another convo you might enjoy (the first 102 episodes are free in their entirety — subscribe to get everything else). Coming up: David Leonhardt on his new book about the American Dream, NYT columnist Pamela Paul, and the authors of Where Have All the Democrats Gone? — John Judis and Ruy Teixeira. Later on: Cat Bohannon and McKay Coppins. Please send any guest recs, pod dissent and other comments to dish@andrewsullivan.com.
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