219 A Patient Path into Non-Monogamy with Laura & Bill

Aug 30, 2025

Bill and Laura transformed their 33-year marriage by exploring non-monogamy gradually and thoughtfully. They share how becoming empty nesters ignited their curiosity for deeper intimacy. Emphasizing the need to unlearn societal norms, they discuss navigating fears while moving from theory to real-life experiences. Their journey highlights the importance of presence, communication, and individuation. They reveal how opening their relationship rejuvenated their connection and redefined their sense of self at this stage of life.

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INSIGHT

Empty Nesting Sparked a Curious Experiment

Bill and Laura began exploring non-monogamy after becoming empty nesters and wanting to experiment with renewed passion.
They treated opening as an educational journey rather than an impulsive life change.

INSIGHT

Stepping Off The Relationship Escalator

They recognized the cultural "relationship escalator" and consciously stepped off it to find new possibilities.
Unlearning long-held social patterns became a core part of their opening process.

ANECDOTE

The "In The Wild" Meeting That Tested Theory

While studying and learning, Bill spontaneously met someone "in the wild," which triggered Laura's intense emotional reaction.
That moment forced them to move quickly from theory to managing embodied feelings.

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Many of us hear stories about couples who dive headfirst into non-monogamy without preparation (what I call the "jumping out of the airplane without a parachute" approach). But after 33 years of marriage, Bill and Laura decided to explore non-monogamy through a gradual, education-centered path.

They’re joining us to share their experience with this slow and steady approach, which demonstrates the value of taking time to learn, process, and grow together before making significant changes to your relationship structure. Their journey shows us that opening a relationship doesn't have to be impulsive or chaotic—it can be thoughtful, intentional, and deeply rewarding at any stage of life.

In this episode, we talk about:

— How becoming empty nesters created space for Bill and Laura to explore "something more expansive" in their relationship

— The importance of unlearning social conditioning and stepping off the "relationship escalator" (the traditional path of falling in love, getting married, having kids, and then... what?)

— Why the process of "unenmeshing" from each other was crucial to their journey and how they practiced it in everyday ways

— The challenge of moving from theoretical knowledge to real-world experiences when Bill spontaneously met someone "in the wild"

— How they navigated their first big emotional hurdle when Laura had a "freak out" and Bill initially tried to fix it by stopping what he was doing

— The rejuvenating effect that opening up has had on their relationship in their 50s, challenging the notion that non-monogamy is "just for young people"

— The value of taking things slowly and allowing each person to move at their own pace

— How they've become more individuated while maintaining a deep connection with each other

— The ongoing process of working with difficult emotions like jealousy and envy rather than expecting them to disappear

— Why connecting with community and seeing others model different relationship styles was crucial to their growth

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions