219 A Patient Path into Non-Monogamy with Laura & Bill

Many of us hear stories about couples who dive headfirst into non-monogamy without preparation (what I call the "jumping out of the airplane without a parachute" approach). But after 33 years of marriage, Bill and Laura decided to explore non-monogamy through a gradual, education-centered path.

They’re joining us to share their experience with this slow and steady approach, which demonstrates the value of taking time to learn, process, and grow together before making significant changes to your relationship structure. Their journey shows us that opening a relationship doesn't have to be impulsive or chaotic—it can be thoughtful, intentional, and deeply rewarding at any stage of life.

In this episode, we talk about:

— How becoming empty nesters created space for Bill and Laura to explore "something more expansive" in their relationship

— The importance of unlearning social conditioning and stepping off the "relationship escalator" (the traditional path of falling in love, getting married, having kids, and then... what?)

— Why the process of "unenmeshing" from each other was crucial to their journey and how they practiced it in everyday ways

— The challenge of moving from theoretical knowledge to real-world experiences when Bill spontaneously met someone "in the wild"

— How they navigated their first big emotional hurdle when Laura had a "freak out" and Bill initially tried to fix it by stopping what he was doing

— The rejuvenating effect that opening up has had on their relationship in their 50s, challenging the notion that non-monogamy is "just for young people"

— The value of taking things slowly and allowing each person to move at their own pace

— How they've become more individuated while maintaining a deep connection with each other

— The ongoing process of working with difficult emotions like jealousy and envy rather than expecting them to disappear

— Why connecting with community and seeing others model different relationship styles was crucial to their growth

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions