108: Control, People Pleasing & The Victim Triangle with Allie Schultz

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In this episode, I sat down with Allie Schultz from Write Your Wellness to delve into the concept of people-pleasing through the lens of control.

Here's a breakdown of our discussion:

The Victim Triangle: We explored how individuals can get caught up in the Victim Triangle, cycling through the roles of victim, persecutor, and rescuer.

Strength in People Pleasers: Contrary to cultural beliefs, we discussed how people-pleasers aren't necessarily weak. In fact, they often exhibit strong control over how others perceive and feel, albeit in a more covert rather than over way.

Recognizing Your Skill Set:  When you think about having control in various situations, does it feel empowering to you? Or does it feel yucky?  Understanding one's sense of control (or perception of control) in different situations can offer insights into whether they're embodying a victim or self-empowered hero role.

Victim Role: When someone assumes the victim role, they believe that events are happening to them, casting themselves as powerless recipients. However, this mindset inevitably creates a need for a villain figure. This dynamic fuels a cycle of drama and conflict as victim energy spawns the creation of a villain role.

Persecutor/Villain Role: Those who adopt the villain role often seek to exert control over others. When individuals feel victimized, they may easily slip into persecuting their perceived persecutor, effectively becoming a persecutor themselves. Recognizing the limits of one's control and focusing on personal agency can help reduce conflict and drama in these situations.

Rescuer Role: While assuming the role of rescuer can feel empowering, it's essential to assess whether intervention is genuinely needed. Stepping in when assistance isn't warranted may inadvertently cast the rescuer as the villain in the other person's narrative. Additionally, excessive rescuing can lead to enabling behaviors rather than genuine aid. It's crucial to evaluate the necessity of help and whether intervention would truly be beneficial or potentially exacerbate the situation, thereby minimizing unnecessary drama.

Stepping Out of the Triangle: By consciously recognizing the roles we're playing and assigning to others, we can step out of the drama triangle and take proactive steps, reclaiming our power.

Journal Prompts for Reflection:
1- Why does control feel so necessary?  What is my underlying fear?
2- What am I trying to convince people is true about me and why?
3- How have I benefited from this people pleasing persona? What am I gaining that makes this role so appealing?

By understanding these dynamics and engaging in self-reflection, listeners can gain valuable insights into their own patterns of behavior and work towards healthier, more authentic interactions.

Want to connect with MaryAnn?  Click here: https://linktr.ee/maryannwalker.life
Purchase your copy of The Power of TED: The Empowerment Dynamic : https://amzn.to/3K4NdbZ
Learn more about the drama triangle!
Part 1- Victim/Creator: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2028767/11942482
Part 2- Persecutor/Challenger: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2028767/11978751
Part 3- Rescuer/Coach: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2028767/12018619

Follow Allie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/writeyourwellness/
Follow Allie's blog & People Pleaser Journal Prompts here: