How To Be a Terrible Daughter 027: Brother, Sister, Soldier, Spy
In this episode, we break down the strange and rigid logic of narcissistic family systems and the roles children are quietly forced into just to keep things from blowing up. We talk about how these identities get assigned early, why they stick so stubbornly into adulthood, and how sibling relationships often carry more tension, confusion, and grief than anyone wants to admit. Some roles absorb blame, some are rewarded at a steep emotional cost, and none of them are accidental.
We also get into the ways narcissistic parents actively prevent siblings from forming real alliances, often by triangulating, misrepresenting intentions, and keeping everyone just slightly off balance. The result is that closeness feels dangerous, loyalty feels conditional, and sometimes a sibling grows up to mirror the very behavior that caused the harm in the first place. We talk honestly about how devastating that realization can be and why distance is sometimes the only sane option, even when it hurts.
And yes, there is another Crazy Mom Off. This time it features a dramatic reading of a listener-submitted "apology poem," which is… an experience. We lovingly dissect the emotional gymnastics, the weaponized self-blame, and the truly Olympic-level guilt deployment, all while asking the eternal question: how does someone write this many words and still not apologize for anything? We also touch on what it looks like to build real connection outside the family system, including how Megan has been finding community and grounding in a brand-new country. Darkly funny, painfully familiar, and a little too accurate, this episode pulls back the curtain on dynamics that are usually kept quietly in place.
Thank you for joining us here for another season of the podcast! If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to make sure you get new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at H2Bterrible@gmail.com!
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What We Cover In This Episode:
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The importance for us to sett ethical boundaries when sharing family stories and how to protect the privacy of living relatives who are not narcissists [3:01]
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Why children in dysfunctional families are forced to "accept the script" and play specific roles just to maintain a sense of safety and reduce household chaos [5:52]
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Introducing the "Scapegoat" and the reasons that this sibling is unfairly assigned all the shame and criticism within the family unit [7:15]
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The hidden burden of the "Golden Child" and the high-pressure pedestal they are placed on [9:40]
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A specific concept the explains how narcissists use a third person to alleviate pressure and create wedges that prevent siblings from forming authentic bond [18:55]
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The heartbreaking reality of siblings who follow in the abuser's footsteps, making a healthy adult relationship nearly impossible [26:13]
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Another "Crazy Mom Off" story which includes a dramatic reading and breakdown of a listener's "apology poem" [32:45]
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A powerful tool which allows you to create a mental character that provides the perfect, unconditional love that was missing during childhood [44:32]
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The way that Megan has harnessed the power of community in the brand-new country she now lives in [47:10]
Links & Resources:
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